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love taps
Q
Dear Patrick,
My allergies are so bad that I can't sleep at night unless I take an antihistamine. But this medication makes me so sleepy that I am in no mood for sex. My partner is complaining, and I don't blame him. But when my sinuses are blocked and my nose is running, I don't feel very attractive. How can I have sex if I have to stop every three minutes to blow my nose? Is there any way I can take care of my allergies and still have a decent sex life?
—Hay Fever Girl
A
Dear Hay Fever Girl,
Get rid of the allergens in your bedroom. This will probably cost some change. But it's worth it if it can save your relationship! Get the bed and your pillows redone so they are not accumulating dust mites. Get rid of any carpet and buy an air filter that will keep your air clean. Humidifiers might help too. Keep pets outside. Your allergy doctor can give you more information about how to make this happen.
Talk to the doctor as well about medication. Can you hold off on taking the antihistamine until after you have had sex? Are there options that don't knock you out? Could you try a decongestant instead?
If all else fails, pick the time of day when your allergies are at their best. Then move your sexual encounters to a different line on the daily calendar. Sex in the morning might be better, or afternoon trysts. Don't assume that all good sex has to happen at night—or in the bedroom.
Love and love taps,
Patrick Califia
Patrick Califia is a widely published author and a marriage and family therapist who practices in San Francisco, California.
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