I've read neither of these titles, Ann, but why don't I recommend some others that are available in Canada and still in print? A personal favourite is Chanta Rose's book Bondage For Sex. It is simple, sensationally photographed, covers a variety of styles along with selecting rope and safety and, as Rose herself says in the introduction, "I love bondage: tight, safe, inescapable bondage. When I am bound, my body expects to have sex." Rose's knots, Japanese, hybrid or otherwise, are designed with fucking in mind - all the positions leave the submissive open for molestation and/or penetration - and that's the kind of bondage I like. I have no interest in being tied up and left seething over a bowl of milk for three hours. Mind you, as Fiona from Venus Envy (www.venusenvy.ca) says, "This book is more useful if you have a basic knowledge of rope play already and are looking to incorporate some new ideas into your routine."

Midori is another big name in the bondage world and she often does workshops here in Toronto, so if you're someone who benefits from watching as well as reading, Midori and her ropes will be at Come As You Are on June 22. Sign up as soon as you can because her workshops fill up quickly. In the meantime, Midori's book The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage is considered indispensable in this genre - it's also stunningly photographed with elaborate suspension techniques as well.

Another that comes highly recommended is Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-by-Step Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage. "It's an ideal book for those new to rope bondage," says Fiona. "It gives the reader great info on safety and focuses on the utility of knowing the basics of multiple knots and ties in order to create bondage for decoration, dominance and sex/penetration. Additionally, the book outlines each technique step-by-step, using pictures with captions that detail each knot and tie so that the reader can follow along easily."

Joanne Fleisher runs the web site Lavender Visions and knows your pain all too well. In 1979, she left a heterosexual marriage to pursue a lesbian relationship and is the author of a book on the subject, Living Two Lives. "It takes enormous courage to confront your sexuality as an adult when so much is at stake: your marriage, your children, your entire way of life," Fleisher said when I contacted her by email. "Usually the discovery or acknowledgment of gay feelings throws people into severe emotional crisis. You likely feel you don't know who you are anymore. You can't explain your changes to others, let alone yourself. Most people weren't taught that sexual identity often is fluid and may shift at different points throughout life."

Still, Sappho, you are far from alone. How many letters do you see here penned by people concealing a secret passion from a long-term partner, be it fetish, gender or orientation? Fleisher elaborates: "Like many others who are just as hidden as you, you are feeling both confused and isolated. No one can tell you what to do, but your new awareness suggests that you take some time to examine yourself, ideally with professional help, as you work toward decision-making. Be patient; give yourself the time this deserves. No matter what decisions you make, they will be life altering and will affect the people you love most in your life. With time, you will find the path that leads you to a fulfilling life and to feel proud of who you are."

You'll find many resources on the Lavender Visions website, including books and message boards:
www.lavendervisions.com/living2lives.html.

Some more help for Cheeky Monkey, who wanted to cast her boy's behind. Paige Gratland is a Toronto-based artist who, just last year, cast the fists of some totally rad dykes in silicone — see them here, they are stupendously sexy: www.pgthingco.com. Gratland offered a few more economical DIY suggestions for casting as well: "I would recommend, depending on what she wanted the final product for, a brush-on rubber mould called Body Double, which you brush on and dries like rubber glove and you can pour silicone right into. The hardness of the silicone would depend on the grade purchased. She would have to go shopping - Sculpture Supply Canada by Kipling Station would be the place." Like Mark from Happy Valley, Gratland does emphasize the ass-shaving part.