Sure, but as a warning, the world of prostate massage instruction is peppered with lyrically reverent west coast types and you may find their gushing enthusiasm and avuncular casting choices a little unsettling. Though it is helpful, Joseph Kramer's Anal Massage series is one I'd put in this category. For a more contemporary approach that features similarly useful instruction but a more porny cast, have a look at Tristan Taormino's video The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men.

The Bible of anal sex remains Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health. There's a chapter on anal eroticism that covers prostate massage briefly but it's worth picking up for an all-over knowledge of the area. Also recommended is The Multi Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava.

Regular workshops are a little harder to locate but if you go to the Prostate Massage group on Fetlife, you'll find people interested in the topic and you can pick up some tips from enthusiasts.

An online resource I've found that I really like is a website called the Healthy Prostate (www.thehealthyprostate.com) owned and operated by sex educators Christine Fawley and Charlotte Goodman-Smith. "The goal of our site is to offer a clear and concise video guide for men and their partners to learn prostate massage in the comfort of their own homes," says Fawley. "Some men want to explore prostate massage for pleasure, others have it recommended by their doctors. Our site aims to be a gentle and practical introduction to a painless and pleasurable prostate massage, solo or partnered." The $25 annual fee is certainly worth the comprehensible demonstration videos and the well-researched lists of books, toys and health tips. Definitely check it out.

"When she talks about patching her trust back together, she probably means one of a few things," says Jodee Mackaw, psychotherapist. "She might be meaning that she's hurting a lot, generally distrustful of everyone now, distrustful of and angry at herself. That's a common reaction to breakups that any competent therapist can help her work on. She might mean she's not trusting herself to meet anyone new, to date, to start any kind of relationship. This in particular suggests that she needs to figure out some of what she might have done differently, some of the warning signs she might have recognized, how and why she chose this guy, and how she can be sure she'll make a very different choice next time." Again, this is where therapy or a support group would be useful.

Mackaw suggests looking at www.selfhelp.on.ca. There are no groups specific to your concern but you could start one up on your own. To engage participants, try a posting or two on craigslist describing your situation. One caveat: people who have been cheated on can, very reasonably, be single-mindedly resentful and may not have the same get-well goals in mind as you do. Do be careful not to get swept up in bitter one-upmanship ("Oh you think that's bad? Well I found a pair of crusty gaunch in my bed and he tried to convince me it was a gift for me!" sort of thing.) And while a revenge club might seem like a blast, as Mackaw says, "A good general rule is that revenge fantasies are fun but one should keep track of the amount of time one is spending doing that, and spend at least twice as much time on recovery and getting-healthy activities: taking good emotional care of yourself, getting involved in new activities, meeting new people and so on.

Another great alternative is having fantasies about her new and improved life to come and how to make that happen. And then doing it. Support can take many forms. Sometimes it's about having people to talk about the hard stuff with but sometimes it's just as helpful to be doing fun and rewarding new stuff with others. It's hard to redirect oneself from fantasies of mayhem to more prosaic but ultimately more useful stuff. But you just keep doing it, redirecting your attention, over and over again, and with practice it gets easier. Like focusing on any meaningful but difficult project, [it involves] getting distracted and then pulling yourself back on task."