Choking (with a Smile)
I'm a young guy who just came out as gay. The "straight" friend I had a crush on since high school turned out to be as gay as me, and was also assuming I would never be interested in him. I want to give him the best head ever, but I'm finding that I have a pretty strong gag reflex. Is there anything I can do?
A lot of guys (and straight women) expect themselves to be able to deep throat cock because that's what we see in porn. Just remember that the actors and actresses in XXX movies are highly skilled professionals who have learned how to do things that the rest of us find difficult. Sort of like the Olympics, only different. Ahem.
Everybody has a different level of sensitivity to pressure on the back of the tongue and the throat. Some of us gag when we try to brush our teeth, and others among us become, well, porn stars! It can be pretty difficult to change this because it is a reflex. That means it's a physical action that you cannot consciously control.
Being anxious or tense will definitely make you choke more easily, however. So will having a full stomach. For now, eat only a light meal or nothing at all before you give your boyfriend head. If he grabs your face and tries to fuck your mouth at his own pace and depth, you'll feel out of control, and your throat will close down. Tell him to keep his hands behind his back, above his head, or tie them up so he'll let you learn at your own pace. Experiment with different angles. Kneeling in front of him might be the best, and it's certainly a classic, but have him lay down on the bed and come at him from the side as well, or turned completely around. See if one angle is less triggering than others.
Take a deep breath as you insert his cock. Exhale as you let it slip out, and take in more air before you swallow it again. If your nose gets blocked up, be sure to take a decongestant before you suck cock, so you can keep more air in your system more easily. This will help keep your throat relaxed.
Some amount of gagging is okay because it will bring up mucus that will lubricate his dick and help it to slip back in. Get his dick wet with spit and keep it wet. A dry cock will trigger more choking.
Wrap your hand around the base of his cock to control how much of it goes in. A warm, lubricated hand can mimic the feel of your mouth. As long as he's getting the shaft of his cock stroked, he can enjoy what your lips and tongue are doing to the last few inches of his erection. The cock head is especially sensitive, so try to discover what he enjoys there.
Don't ignore his balls. Some guys go crazy if you tug on the ball sac, keeping it snug, or separate their testicles. Put one of his balls in your mouth and tongue it. Give all of his genitals some attention.
A lubricated, gloved finger up the ass is another way to enhance a blowjob for some guys. (Others purely hate it.) Inserting a butt plug or a vibrating anal toy can also make a blowjob feel a lot better, though some guys find it distracting.
Buy a small, flexible dildo that you can practice on when you are not with your lover. When you jerk off, lay with your head over the side of the bed, to open up your throat, and try sucking on the dildo. See how far you can put it in without reacting to it. Gradually work to increase the depth you can tolerate.
Finally, I'll pass on a tip that a friend of mine swears by. He bought a workbook on self-hypnosis and used it to bypass his gag reflex. He claims that it worked so well, it completely changed his sex life.