Fearing Extinction

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Question

I have a strong desire to be a tiger. Ever since I can remember, the spirit of this animal seems to have possessed me. I am in awe of the tiger's physical strength and beauty, and the intensity of their mating. Having sex as a human seems unbearably tame by comparison. I have been able to get some relief by having my body tattooed in tiger stripes. This process is almost complete. Now I am looking for someone who will do plastic surgery on my face to make it appear more feline. I wish I could reshape my ears and have them moved further up my head, and also have a tail that was mobile so that it could express my moods. A local piercer who does implants has said he can manufacture stainless-steel cat whiskers that can be implanted in my forehead.

On-line, I have been able to find a few other people who understand this cross-species identification. But I have yet to meet a virile male who is as fully committed to embodying a tiger. I would like to have a mate. Someone who understands how to use teeth and claws to increase the pleasure of a female and make her wildly receptive. Where are the male tigers out there?

Answer

Hmmmm. I think you are asking an age-old question that I've heard from many different groups of people. Single women say: Where are the straight men who want to get married? BDSM bottoms say: Where are all the tops? Swimmers say: Where are the life guards? Choking people say: Where is someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver?

The point I am trying to make is that people who take erotic responsibility (or responsibility for anything important, like public safety) are always in short supply. Most of us want to experience the sensation of being taken are of, giving up power, being stimulated, having someone take us to a state of ecstasy, etc. Learning how to do that for somebody else seems to offer little rewards, unless you are hard-wired (or motivated by deep love) to figure other people out, learn unusual skills, and obtain vicarious pleasure from saving the day, coming to the rescue, creating loss of control, and orchestrating an experience for somebody else.

From my perspective, the pleasures of topping are obvious. You get to take your pick of a large pool of attractive, interesting, responsive, and grateful people. (You also have to figure out how to avoid the nut jobs.) There's something fascinating about picking apart another's psyche and training their body to respond to your touch. Expanding the field of sexual possibilities by learning new techniques just makes me very happy. It's my hobby. I guess I could collect ceramic unicorns or learn how to make bonsai trees instead, but the positive reinforcement of an orgasm always wins out over over more prosaic rewards.

The biggest challenge for a top is to figure out how to keep his or her own pleasure uppermost. It is way too easy to get sidetracked into an effort to gratify the other person's fantasies. Real sex or kinky play actually consists of coming up with a third thing that is a synthesis of both parties' needs and hottest triggers.

Not that long ago, no distinction was made between maleness and dominance. Every man worth his salt was supposed to be, in effect, a top, whether we are talking about vanilla sex or something more exotic. But along came feminism and sexual liberation, and that script was shaken up a bit. Now there is slightly more acknowledgment that gender does not necessarily dictate one's role in a sexual encounter. Even before the sweeping social changes of the 20th century, there were men seeking the services of wicked, bossy corseted ladies holding whips. Or they wanted to wear women's clothing, or allow themselves to passively enjoy blowjobs, the world's slyest form of bottoming. (My tongue is in my cheek, now.) I think that men also displayed some resentment at being corralled into the dominant role by neglecting foreplay, refusing to polish their technique, and throwing a lot of shade at their "receptive” partners.

You have a couple of strikes against you. You are looking for someone who will run the fuck, and you are looking for a very specific type of fuck that only turns on a small minority of people. Also, you are focusing on your own needs and desires, rather than asking yourself what your partner would be getting out of performing in this erotic theater. What do you have to offer that will drive him or her wild? You want their teeth and claws; spend some time developing your own irresistible sexual skill, whether it's deep-throating or offering a mind-blowing massage.

I do wish you luck in finding your mate. It would be sad indeed if tigers ceased to exist. By channeling their spirit, you are reclaiming a feral aspect of humanity that I value greatly. We've gotten too far away from awareness of ourselves as animals. But when you seek to embody a totem animal, you may also find yourself stuck with certain aspects of their lives that are different than human patterns. Tigers are usually solitary hunters. They only come together to mate when the female is in heat. They are not monogamous. Female tigers give birth and care for their young alone. It may be that your difficulty in finding a mate is shared by the other members of your beloved species.

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