Hope I'm Not A Nympho

Monday, December 06, 2010

Question

How many men is it normal to have sex with? I am not talking about the total number of partners. I mean, if you go further than a threesome, like if you have sex with five guys, does that mean you are just really horny or does it mean something is wrong with you? I took a group of hockey players home and my girlfriends have been on my case ever since. I wish I had met them when I was at the bar all by myself. Now I don't really want to go back there because I know there's been gossip behind my back. So am I a liberated woman or somebody who needs therapy?

Answer

The term "nymphomania" is, IMHO, outdated and based on a double standard. A guy who got to party with five women would be perceived as a super stud. This adventure is only questioned if a woman takes on five guys. Then she risks being labeled as a slut or a crazy person. As you have discovered, sadly.

The only yardstick here is your own experience and feelings. Was it your decision to entertain five guests, or were you pressured or so drunk that they took advantage of your intoxication? While the sex was happening, did you feel happy and lusty, or did you feel out of control, numb, or frightened? The next day, did you feel proud of yourself and relaxed and well-done, or were you full of shame or anger? When you look at your sex life in general, how in control do you feel? Do you think you are making good choices, or does it feel as if you are not making a choice when you have sex? Do you like the people you are fucking? Do they treat you the way you want to be treated? Are you protecting yourself from pregnancy and STDs?

These questions are only suggestions. When a person goes out on the sexual edge, the amount of risk increases, especially for women. Because the larger culture is ambivalent about female sexuality and largely disapproves of female independence or kinkiness, women pay a heavier price for being outrageous than men pay. There is stigma and the risk of being labeled as prey or an object for exploitation. Unfortunately, many men divide women up into the virtuous ones who are potential wives and mothers. These women deserve respect and protection. But the other category, the women who are sluts and whores, are fair game for just about anything.

Just take good care of yourself. You aren't the only woman I've heard from who enjoyed a group sex experience with more than two guys. (Oddly enough, athletes seem to be favored for this activity. Soccer players are often mentioned.) I don't think you are a bad person. Even if this was not a positive experience for you, you don't have to let it control your self-image or your future actions. Sometimes the only way to find out if you like a certain kind of sex or not is to go ahead and try it. If nothing else, I take my hat off to your stamina and creativity. There are a lot of people who are probably jealous because you actually experienced something that they can only fantasize about.

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