Ain't Too Proud To Beg

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Question

I was recently pondering my relationship over a hot cup of chai. This is what the problem is: my girlfriend of the past three-and-a-half months has been refusing to open up and bring our sex life to the next level. I slowly tried engaging her into the idea of using sex toys but she was having none of that. I guess the idea of her wearing a strap-on and giving it to me the way I truly desire is not something she's comfortable with. I've tried not bringing it up for the longest time because I really do like her, but do you think you can give me some tips on how to maybe open her mind a little?

Aris G

Answer

There may be many reasons your new girlfriend is shy about trying new things. Sex is kind of a big deal for all of us and we all bring a lot of baggage to the bed. Talking a little more with your girlfriend about her sexual history is a good way of opening things up: how did she learn about sex? Does she enjoy masturbating? What are her fantasies? What does trying new, challenging things bring up in her? Creating a sympathetic dialogue around sex without pressure is a good start.

Give it some time, Aris. You've been with this woman for less than four months—you barely know one another as friends, never mind lovers. Some people you date will be very sexually open from the get-go, while others take some time to warm up to dishes that haven't been on their menu yet.