Arch Welder

Friday, May 23, 2008


I am an elderly gentleman who has had a lot of very nice, raunchy sex with other dirty-minded homosexuals. I find it best for me to look for sex in washrooms, rest areas, and other T-rooms. The pretentiousness of bar conversation or the white-toweled anonymity of the baths are not for me. Once I discovered what a glory hole was, I fell in love with this convenient and helpful invention. I taught myself how to cut metal and began to create glory holes in as many locations as possible. I make sure the holes are big enough for both the cock and the balls to pass through, and I take time to fix the edges so that no one will be cut on them. Other men seem to appreciate this, and I've often been orally or anally serviced in gratitude.

But I am getting older, and I don't know how much longer I will be able to cart my tools around and continue my vocation. It used to be a point of pride for me to re-open any glory hole that some fool had tried to patch over; but lately it seems like a lot of work, and not much fun. I wish the world would come to understand that healthy young men crave sweaty nasty sex with one another, and stop trying to erect artificial barriers that are never fully effective.

They have many commercials on television these days saying one should plan for the future. Can you help me plan for mine?


Public sex is illegal, and so is the destruction of public property. I cannot use this column to encourage illegal acts or vandalism. If you were in a "reputable" line of work, I could recommend that you find a younger apprentice who could be taught some of your techniques and assist you in transporting your tools to the job site. A whole band of disciples could be sent out to minister to bathroom walls and stall room doors. Tsk. Reprobates.

Seriously, though. I remain ambivalent about public sex. The argument is always made that it will take place in front of children, or that it interferes with the privacy of people who wish to use the restroom for hygienic purposes only. In practice, most hot spots for public sex include a volunteer who looks out for the squares, security guards, or forest rangers. At the first sight of outsiders, everybody scatters. But T-rooms don't furnish the lube and condoms that are pretty reliably stocked in sex clubs.

Discretion is the better part of valor given that an arrest for public lewdness or indecency can ruin a man's life. Having reported the news about sex for a couple of decades, I can't claim that more private locations will protect their inhabitants from arrest. The cops have busted guys in adult film theaters, porn shops, backroom bars, and even the baths. Our whole society is unrealistic about sexuality. I'm afraid that won't change overnight. But my, my, haven't you worked overtime to alter the landscape of Eros?

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