At Wit’s End
I’m 24 and I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve had my fair share of very awesome sex, so that’s not the problem, and I’ve come close a few times (I think – my whole body starting to burn up). I generally don’t masturbate, and when I do I hardly get wet or turned on, even if I use a vibrator (a Butterfly), lube and porn. It just doesn’t compare to being with someone.
The odd thing, though, is that three years ago I started to have wet dreams, so I actually do know what it’s supposed to feel like (contractions and so on). The dreams themselves are becoming less and less sexual, and I’m more and more removed from what’s happening. For example, the last two or three times I had these dreams I wasn’t even touching myself, I was just lying or sitting there, and nothing else was happening.
Sometimes I think the problem is more psychological than anything else. At this point I find it embarrassing and I’m almost afraid to come, like a vein behind my eye will burst or that it’ll hurt. Sometimes I’ll have mild panic attacks and cry uncontrollably for five to 20 minutes.
I just don’t know what to do. Are there any workshops or books you can direct me to? I read For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach, which was only somewhat helpful.
I generally know what I like and really do enjoy sex, and this is the one thing that’s bugging me most about my sex life. It’s something I’d rather keep to myself, but it inevitably comes up with new partners, and I’m tired of it.
At Wit’s End