Bottoms Up

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Question

Is receiving regular spankings good to prevent prostate cancer?

Answer

No. There's no scientific evidence that spankings prevent prostate cancer. However, massaging the prostate (or any other way to have a good, earth-shaking orgasm) is very good for your health. I wouldn't claim that it prevents cancer, but sexologists do say that as men age, they need to make sure they are having orgasms on a regular basis. If you let your equipment get lazy, it can become more difficult to get a firm, long-lasting erection. So if you need a holistic excuse to get paddled, that's a good one. I personally think that boys with red asses are just cute as can be. If you're having fun, and your partner enjoys spanking you, what more reason do you need to have at it?

Love and love taps,
YOUR ADVISOR
Patrick Califia

Q

I need to know if there is a cream you can use to tighten your vagina. I had two kids, and my vagina is big. I need to tighten it.

- Earth Mother

No. There's no scientific evidence that any cream or ointment will tighten the vagina if its shape has been permanently changed by childbirth. The only way to change the size of the vaginal opening and canal is to get surgery. But this is expensive and carries the risk of infection or scarring that could affect your sensation during intercourse.

However, you can strengthen the muscles that control your vaginal opening. The muscle that you use to stop urinating in mid-stream is the same muscle that contracts when you have an orgasm. Deliberately contracting and releasing this muscle can build its strength. Another way to strengthen it is to contract it and hold it while you count to ten, then release it. These exercises are named Kegels after a doctor who developed them to help his female patients who were having urinary incontinence (peeing when they didn't want to) after childbirth.

You can also buy various devices, shaped like barbells, to do Kegels. These work very well. When you have more control over the pubococcygeous or PC muscle, you can provide more of a grip or resistance to your partner's erect cock. This will make intercourse much more pleasurable for him.

Another alternative is to simply use larger objects for penetration. After childbirth, some women enjoy using larger dildos for masturbation or with a partner, if he's open to playing with sex toys. You may also be able to allow your partner to gently insert his entire hand, provided it's well-lubricated. This is called fisting, and there is a great book about vaginal fisting written by Deborah Addington called A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. There are good safety instructions and plenty of other thrilling ideas in Tristan Taormino's book, Down and Dirty Sex Secrets: The New and Naughty Guide to Being Great in Bed.

Some guys do have complexes about a female partner having an orgasm with anything that is bigger than their dicks. But there are also a lot of dirty boys out there who just want to see you thrash around and lose your mind while they drive you crazy with their clever use of a toy or their hands. It helps if he has a lot of self-confidence, enjoys using toys when he masturbates, and knows that you love to suck his cock, give him hand jobs, take his dick in your vagina, use a vibrator on his cock, or do other things to show him you adore his body.

Anal sex is also an option for women who feel that vaginal intercourse doesn't give them intense enough sensations to have a good orgasm. Just be sure to use a good lubricant, go slow, and require him to wear a condom. (This is true for vaginal intercourse as well, to prevent sexually-transmitted infections [STIs] and unwanted pregnancy. But anal intercourse is especially likely to transmit STIs.) Anal sex should never be painful; it may be necessary to experiment with small toys or a finger before an entire cock can comfortably fit in your anus.