Built Shallow

Friday, February 25, 2011

Question

My partner loses control when he has an orgasm and thrusts his erection into me, deeper than it was when we were having intercourse. This creates a jabbing pain that I really don't like. He gets upset when I move away from him when he is close to ejaculating. He says that I am not letting him have the full experience of sexual release. But I have never liked deep, sudden penetration. It scares me and it hurts. He has apologized and said he will try not to do this. I think he honestly tries, but it seems to be involuntary. The rest of our lovemaking is very, very good. How do we solve this problem?

Answer

Well, there's actually a pretty simple solution—if your partner is really willing to stop hurting you. When he senses that he is about to come, he needs to wrap one of his fists around the base of his cock. This will prevent him from thrusting too deeply into you. He can still enjoy the sensation of thrusting vigorously, but his cock will be clasped by both his own hand and by your vagina. This feels really good, so he won't lose any ejaculatory pleasure.

If he refuses to do this, it's possible that he doesn't take you seriously when you tell him this hurts more than you can stand, or that he feels he ought to be able to do whatever he likes in order to come, or he may even enjoy hurting you without your permission. None of these options makes for a very good relationship. Some intensely dumb medical “authorities” claim that there are no pain nerves in the vagina or cervix. Most of these wise guys don't have a vagina or a cervix to do any experimentation upon, or I would suggest that they allow us to prove they are wrong. The cervix transmits pleasure for some women when it is GENTLY moved or pressed. But getting jabbed feels about as good as a biopsy. This is the only rationalization I can come up with for him to continue to behave in such an inconsiderate fashion.

People who have penises need to understand some basic facts about sexual technique. One of those facts is that penises and vaginas are not one-size-fits-all. If your erection is too big for your partner to comfortably enclose, you need to hold back when you thrust into her. Some women can gradually stretch, but this is more easily accomplished for wide phalluses than for long ones. It's just the curse of the big dick, what can I say?

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