Chinese and Gay

Friday, February 29, 2008


I am an immigrant to this country. Men in my home country are not normally circumcised. As a gay man, I want to enjoy my new freedom to have sex with other men. (This was illegal at home.) But I have sometimes been rejected because I still have my foreskin. "That looks ugly," was what one guy said. Other guys are excited about my cock, but then I feel like the only reason they want to have sex with me is because my penis looks like their sexual fetish. They don't pay any attention to the rest of my body. I don't want to get circumcised, but what can I say when somebody makes a face and refuses to have sex with me? This is hurting my self-esteem.


Gay men in Western countries tend to be quite blunt and aggressive if they are cruising for casual sex. It's okay for you to become more blunt and aggressive as well. At the very least, you need to get the information about your penis out there a lot earlier in the encounter. If you are running an ad, mention it in the ad. If somebody has reached for your zipper, tell him what he's going to find if he continues. If you do get rejected, pass on as quickly as you can and find somebody else who is more positive. Don't dwell on it. You don't want to have sex with a guy who isn't attracted to you anyway.

I agree that there is a lot of ignorance and strange meaning attacked to losing or having a foreskin. I think that circumcised guys are often angry about this, and project their hostility onto men who weren't surgically violated as infants. I personally can't see what all the fuss is about. All cocks are beautiful. Well—let me amend that in the spirit of telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and say that at least 95% of all cocks are beautiful.

When you feel that another man is objectifying your foreskin and neglecting the rest of you, say, "Hey! There's more of me up here!" Take your cock away from him and tell him he can't have it back until he does whatever you want, like playing with your nipples, fucking you, or showing you how he masturbates. Whatever. (This is why I advised you to become more blunt and aggressive.)

If this seems too hard, maybe the public sex scene or the casual sex scene is not for you. Try advertising to meet friends or a more romantic partner. Not everybody is emotionally able to stand up to the frantic and judgmental quality of some cruisers. One obnoxious guy can ruin your sex life for a couple of weeks. It just isn't fair, because I'm pretty sure such people are oblivious themselves to any negative feedback.

It's interesting that in your letter you don't say how you feel about the circumcision controversy. Would you personally rather play with or suck a cut or an uncut dick? Next time you feel nervous, remember that you have your own tastes and opinions to express. If some circumcised guy disses you, tell him, "Well, your cock looks like a turkey neck," and walk with all your dignity intact to the next bush concealing some anonymous guy on his knees.

Just be cautious during your gay sex adventures. Being caught having public sex might be an excuse for you to be sent back to Asia or wherever you immigrated from. If you are ever arrested, just keep your mouth shut. The cops may try to act friendly or offer you some kind of deal. Don't tell them anything but, "I want a lawyer." People who fight public sex accusations are almost always acquitted because the evidence against them is lousy—the word of a vice cop against your own.

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