Cosmopolitan

Friday, November 14, 2008

Question

I have read every issue of Cosmo and have researched the female G-spot in detail. I know where it is, I am aware of what it is supposed to do. I am an orgasmic woman. but only with clitoral stimulation. When I attempt to manually manipulate the G-spot to induce vaginal orgasm, nothing happens. What am I doing wrong and do other women have this problem?

Answer

For those readers who are not as knowledgeable, let me explain that the G-spot is supposedly located on the roof of the vagina, just past the reach of my short, stubby fingers. Pressure on this spot is said to cause vaginal orgasms and, in some women, ejaculation or expulsion of fluid from the vagina.

However, no dissection has ever produced evidence that there is an identifiable organ in that location. There is no organ that's part of the female sex organs that we could call by this name. The so-called G-spot is, in my opinion, better thought of as an erogenous zone that works for some women and not for others. The bladder is in that general area, and pressure on the bladder is sometimes erotic and sometimes uncomfortable.

However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy G-spot stimulation if it makes your eyelids flutter. Women vary a great deal in vaginal sensitivity. Some enjoy deep penetration that moves the cervix; others find this painful or uncomfortable. Pressure to one side or the other or on the roof or floor of the vagina can be exciting. Exploration of this amazing orifice is highly recommended for those who want to be adventurous and satisfying lovers. Snap on a glove, put some water-based lubricant on your fingers, and probe away. Or get a toy that is designed for vaginal stimulation or G-spot massage and see if that causes any goose bumps and heavy breathing.

In your case, it's possible that your body is constructed such that the G-spot is not an erogenous zone for you. It's also possible that you are not pushing on quite the right area, or that you need something other than your fingers to reach it. There's no harm in continuing to look for it, after all. You'll probably have a lot of fun.

But I do want to add that I think there is a "dark side" to all the publicity the G-spot has gotten. Thanks to Masters and Johnson, we know that the clitoris is central to female sexual response. Expecting a woman to have an orgasm without stimulating her clitoris is like expecting a man to have an orgasm from getting his balls yanked. But men and women continue to be upset about the idea that one or both of them should be touching her clit during intercourse. This is truly stupid. Would you rather have your cock inside of a woman who isn't feeling much and isn't moving toward an orgasm, or be inside a woman who is contracting, wet, moving around, feverishly excited, moaning and getting ready to come? This is a no-brainer, even for the "little head."

This isn't just about men feeling threatened by the clitoris. It's also about women resisting the idea that they should take control over their own orgasms and help out in the process of having one. Our society conditions women to be pathologically passive during sex. If you want to switch your G-spot on so you have one more option to get hot and bothered, more power to you. But if you want it to substitute for clitoral stroking, you're rubbing me the wrong way.