Disappointed Diddler

Friday, May 13, 2005

Question

I have masturbated for a good part of my life, and I enjoy it very much. However, I have never had a recognizable orgasm, although I think that I have come close (no pun intended). I was wondering if it is possible to become desensitized to such stimulation and be unable to recognize an orgasm?

Answer

Usually masturbation is recommended by sex therapists as the most reliable way to teach your own body how to experience an orgasm. Unless you are employing lit cigarettes to stimulate your genitals, I can see no way that you would desensitize yourself or damage your capacity to come.

Are you touching the right part of your genitals? You didn't state your gender, so I am going to address this issue for both sexes, even though it's very rare for men to be inorgasmic.

Men usually give themselves orgasms by stroking the shaft of the penis, and sometimes by stimulating the cock head as well. Men can also have orgasms if their prostate glands are stimulated during anal penetration. Playing with your balls might feel good to the average guy, but it wouldn't be enough to make him come.

For women, the primary sex organ is the clitoris. This is a tiny peak of flesh found at the top of the pubic mound, where the inner and outer lips begin to separate. Hold a mirror between your legs and check it out. The clitoris varies a lot in size, color, and location, but it usually has a visible small glans or head, covered by a hood that may or may not merge into the inner labia or vaginal lips. Many women enjoy vaginal penetration, but for most women, this does not provide enough stimulation to create a satisfying orgasm.

If you're already playing with the right parts and not getting results, why not explore other erogenous zones? Try adding some fantasy to the mix. And if your fingers or hands aren't doing the trick, sometimes an electrically powered vibrator can really help you to get enough consistent and persistent stroking to be able to come.

Have you experienced any sexual trauma? Sometimes it can be difficult for a person who has lived through child abuse or rape to experience a full sexual response.

One other possibility strikes me, which is that your anatomy may not be the standard male or female package. Did you have any surgeries as a child? Were any of those surgeries performed on your genitals? If so, it's possible that you were born intersexed. Many intersexed people have no idea that they were born with anomalous genitals, reproductive organs, or sex chromosomes. In the past, parents of intersexed children were told to have the baby surgically altered, raise the child as a "normal" boy or girl, and never tell the child about their medical problem. There was so much shame around this issue that thousands of people are living with intersexed conditions, not understanding what's happened to their bodies. Unfortunately, many of these surgeries damage the nerves that make sexual response possible.

It can't hurt to see a doctor who specializes in sexual anatomy, and get checked out. Please let me know what you find out, and write again to update me so we can come up with a solution to this very important problem!

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