Friday, March 11, 2011


This is probably the weirdest question you will ever get. I was getting serious with a very hot girl who couldn't get enough of me. We just seemed to click on all kinds of levels, and I thought maybe this was the capital-R Relationship for me.

This was before I found out that she cast a spell to get me to fall in love with her. It turns out she believes that she has the power to affect other people through magic. I don't believe in magic any more than I believe China will ever liberate Tibet. As a rational person, it disturbs me to think that she could be superstitious or maybe even crazy.

But on a philosophical level, I feel somewhat violated. If love spells or charms did work, wouldn't they be unethical? It would be a form of coercion. What about my free will? If the chemistry is there, you don't need to compel me. But if it doesn't exist, then nobody has a right to try to force me to stay with them.

I haven't spoken to her since I found the candle she's been burning every time we had sex. Her best friend reluctantly told me where to look and what all the weird symbols were that had been carved into it. She also showed me the book where my girlfriend had gotten her “spell.” I left the candle on her doorstep with a note that said, “Grow up,” and went home with all of my stuff.

Now that I've calmed down a little, I miss her so much. But I think this is more than I can swallow. I feel like I need to do more than break up with her. I also need to get her to understand that I didn't fall in love with her because she cast a spell on me, and she doesn't have that kind of power over me or anybody else.


Hmmm. Well, it seems to me that your girlfriend ought to understand by now that her spell didn't work—if only because you took all your shit and went home! But if you want to call her up and yell at her or write her some nasty e-mail, be my guest. Just be aware that trying to change somebody else's deeply seated beliefs about magic (or any spiritual matter) is about as easy to do as casting a magic spell, period.

Just so you know, a responsible Wiccan or pagan would not do this. He or she would recognize that compelling or forcing love is an unethical proposition. The closest thing a witch or goddess worshipper might do is cast a spell to bring love (in general) into their life. Most practitioners of the Really Old Religion are freethinking iconoclasts who would be appalled at something like this. I just don't want you to think that your girlfriend is typical of all the people who buy candles and know one rune from another.

Wiccans say that any bad deed, especially a curse, hex, or unethical spell, comes back upon the doer threefold. If that's true, she's going to experience a lot of unrequited sorrow and pain and deprivation in your absence. Serves her right, doesn't it?

It serves her right IF she is the person who did this skanky thing. Now, if her all-too-cooperative best friend happened to have a crush on you, and if such a malicious and two-faced bitch were to hand over scary evidence to you and express make-believe sorrow about your girlfriend's misbehavior and superstitious conduct … well, then the wrong person might have been deprived of your company. So I wouldn't be calling your ex's BFF up and telling her how betrayed you feel, or going over to her place for pot roast. Just sayin'.

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