Energy Exposed

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I’m a 29-​year old woman and have been in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend for four years. I love him very much and see him as a life-​long partner. He has expressed the same. That said, we fight and bick-er, and things are not perfect. He annoys me to no end at times. This is partly because we work and live to-gether.

But in spite of the fact that we make efforts to give one another space, I have begun, in the past few months, to feel that I really need to be exposed to new energy – someone’s other than his. I am attracted to other people with newfound inten-sity. I have never been into the idea of polyamory myself, though I have friends who have both failed and succeeded at it. Yet suddenly I find myself imagining all kinds of scenarios I never thought I would.

Only thing is, I am terrified to start this discussion with my boyfriend. He has always been open, never jealous (whereas I have been), and yet I have dropped enough hints to know that he would not be into such a shift in our relationship. He might go along with it for my sake (maybe), but I am scared of losing what I’ve got, which is pretty good both sexually and intellectually.

Then again, I feel I am just waiting until I can’t stand it anymore and am forced to bring it up. I mean, I just can’t imagine never sleep-ing with anyone else ever again. Any advice on how to bring this up without trapping him or myself in a place we can’t return from?


First of all, it’s worth noting that exposing yourself to new energy is not going to mean the end of any fight-ing and bickering with your current partner. You’ll still be in a relationship with a person you work with – a set-​up that comes with its own stresses. All the little things about him that are annoying you now will still be there after you’ve been “exposed.”

Polyamory in any form typically makes things more complicated and can make things more stressful, not less. It’s not a remedy for boredom or dissatisfaction. Moreover, if you’re a jealous person, you should ask yourself if you’re willing to share, if looking over and seeing your man kissing someone else is going to be something you’d be cool with, night of and next day.

All the same, if you’re already dropping hints (can’t imagine what those hints sound like: “You know what I feel like having for dinner? More penis. Err, I mean, hot dogs), it’s probably time to quit dicking around and sit down and at least discuss your thoughts on the subject.

Remember that this sexual energy is something you and your partner can expose yourself to in any number of ways. When you broach the subject, that might be a good first topic to tackle. What kinds of encounters would you potentially want to ex-plore? What are some possibilities, scenarios and locations (strip clubs, swinger bars and so on) that turn both of you on?

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