Faithful Girlfriend

Friday, December 11, 2009

Question

My boyfriend has an angry-looking red bump on his penis. He says it is no big deal because it doesn't hurt. But for some reason, I am feeling suspicious. What is going on here?

Answer

Your boyfriend could be right. This could be an ingrown hair that doesn't hurt—because for some reason, his penis is completely numb in that one tiny area. (Yeah, right.) The bump could also be the first sign that he has contracted syphilis. The spirochete that causes this disease leaves a chancre, or painless red bump, where it enters the body.

I hope you haven't been having sex with this dude without a condom. Even if you have used condoms, I suggest that both of you go get a blood test. To see a doctor who is really knowledgeable about STDs and their treatment, it's often a good idea to go to a city-run clinic. These places can usually be found in the phone book. Or call your best gay friend and ask him where he would go.

You refer to yourself as a "faithful" girlfriend. I'm sure you are. Sad to say, many people pledge to be monogamous but have trouble sticking to that vow 100%. I hate to urge anyone to be cynical, but let's face it, people make mistakes (or they can be deliberately manipulative and deceitful). Over the course of my queer life, I have repeatedly urged all of my straight girl friends to continue to give their boyfriends' bodies a visual examination before they agree to make love without protection. Any warts, sores, abrasions, lesions, or weird bumps ought to be covered with Ye Olde Rubber Raincoate before any happy ending can be permitted.

If you have to, tell him the women in your family get pregnant really easily, and so even if you are on the pill, you need backup. Yeah, yeah, we should all trust each other and never tell lies, but if he starts to call up with "oh dear I have to work late at the office for the twenty-second time this month," well, one good bedtime story deserves another. The bottom line is, protect your health, no matter how hard you fall in love, no matter how nice he seems to be. Even if you can trust him, his penis might not have signed on for whatever he tells you with his sweet lips.

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