Female Fan

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Question

Q

Dear Sex Advisor,

Is there anything I can do to last longer and not be sooooo sensitive?

Answer

That depends on why you're stopping and which part of your anatomy is getting too sensitive to continue. Sex is a form of physical exercise, so if you are out of shape, your stamina will be impaired. See about getting more exercise, including aerobics and cardio. When weight is proportionate to height, the body has greater staying power and flexibility.

Another area to investigate is the kind of sex you are having. Does your partner do enough to arouse you and keep you in a sexy mood? Would it help to have better music, softer lighting, a longer period of foreplay, some pillow talk of the nice or nasty variety, or watch a little porn? Is your partner pounding away at you for a very long time and leaving your vagina sore? If this is the case, and your partner is a genetic male, he may be having a problem with being able to come inside of you. In that case, the problem is his, and he needs to get some help. If your lover is penetrating you with fingers or a dildo, they may need to slow down, use a smaller toy, or simply be prepared to stop when you've had enough. If you're not using any lubricant, get some. If the lubricant you are using is making you feel a burning sensation or any other type of discomfort, change to another brand.

Some women find that after they have an orgasm, their clitoris or even the entire genital area becomes painful to touch. If it's your clitoris that's being "too sensitive," then it's possible your partner is going too fast and applying too much direct pressure on the glans or head of your clit. Oral sex should involve light, slow licking of the entire area, including the labia, and the slippery area between the clitoris and vaginal opening. Tell your partner to lay off the jackhammer action and act more like a light, tickling spring breeze. A face full of stubble will exacerbate problems with over-sensitivity. Guys with clean-shaven faces need to shave before sex and apply a good facial moisturizer to keep their cheeks friction-free. Guys with beards can do their girlfriends a good turn by using a moisturizer to keep their facial hair nice and soft.

If the outer genitals or vulva are sore, a cool compress can sometimes provide relief. It's not known exactly what triggers this condition. It may be that the contractions of orgasm are too strong and trigger a sort of cramp in the pelvic muscles or compression of a nerve in the area. But there are gynaecologists and neurologists who specialize in treating female genital pain. Sometimes this kind of post-orgasm pain is triggered by a specific sex technique like penetration. So it may be best to have an orgasm without being full. Or you may need to reach orgasm by masturbating rather than through a partner's attentions. Vibrators are usually not a good idea for women who have genital pain syndrome. It's too easy for the area to go numb and then get worked over until it's inflamed.

Some women have trouble with clitoral sensitivity after orgasm, even if stimulation was gentle. This is likely to pass if you give yourself enough time. So focus your attention on your partner while your body calms down. Luckily for you and your partner, sex doesn't have to stop just because you have had an orgasm and feel satisfied. By the time this lusty labor is successful, your parts may have calmed down enough for Round Two.