Finding FetLife

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Question

We are a male/female couple who are looking to explore both our submissive sides with a dominant woman. We were both wondering if you knew of any reliable free sites online that cater to the BDSM/fetish communities where you are able to post profiles and browse for potential partners.

We are looking for a woman well versed in domination, though we would rather avoid paying someone. We would welcome a dominatrix but are too poor to afford one and would prefer to avoid bringing money into the equation, though would welcome a professional who was seeking something for her personal life. Any tips would be most welcome for sites online catering to our needs. We have tried craigslist without much luck. We are desperate to fulfill this fantasy and don't know where to turn.

J & M

Answer

Get on www.fetlife.com and go to the section that includes events in Toronto. FetLife is effortless to join and was obviously created by people who have been online and in the fetish community forever. Best of all, it assumes that people will behave themselves and doesn't come at you out of the gates with all kinds of high-handed, overwrought ethics and philosophies about BDSM. If you can get past the occasional flame war scorched with purple prose, it's a great place to start.

I asked local members for advice and got some really encouraging feedback. Trancer said this: "Look at the website www.ehbc.ca/calendar and investigate the local munches. To find a dominant woman, they could go the ladies and submissive males munch on the first Tuesday of each month at 7pm at the Groundhog Pub in the downstairs lounge at 401 Bloor E. It is friendly and well run. They give a talk each month on a BDSM F/M topic and then have mingle time where we get up and walk around and meet new people."

People in the BDSM community, while often supremely dorky, are fucking sweethearts and very generous with their knowledge and resources. I don't think you'll have any trouble meeting new pals, though Trancer does warn to be patient about your personal interest—dominant women are in high demand in this community.

Fill out a profile and join groups that appeal to your interests—there are literally dozens of them. Do some public posting in a few groups about topics you're into so people will get to know you. Most importantly, make some online friends who will offer you tips and advice. Look over all the profiles in your area and send private messages to the members who pique your interest. Trancer, who has found success using a combination of these strategies, adds, "They have to go with what they would be most comfortable with." I'm excited for you! I think you're about to embark on a thrilling new chapter of your life as a couple and, as far as I can see, FetLife will be an excellent springboard.