Fucking Frosh

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Frosh Week is just wrapping up in Halifax. For the last seven days the sexual energy in the city has been palpable – we can feel the frosh sizing each other up & eyeing each other down all the way from South to North.

During Frosh week, I get all this sexual energy thrown at me in full. See, it’s my job to do the Frosh sex talks. I stand in front of crowds and crowds of students and talk dirty to ‘em. I talk about sex toys and the importance of fucking yourself; my co-workers talk about safe sex and consent, and the importance of fucking others safely.  After we have laid out our spiel, we field their questions.  What this looks like: 800 students yelling over one another to us 3 bewildered babes. Generally, it’s hard to make out what the fuck anyone is saying. Words come to the surface of the mass of sound, words like “blow job”, “shaving”, “squirting”, and “POO!?”.

This past year, amidst the noise, a few questions did come up again and again and again. Considering the repeat nature of these queries, I thought it just may be worth answering these questions online, for ya’ll to see. Maybe you too are also wondering about water sex?

                    Question 1:  How do you give the best blowjob?

This was the most predictable question we got. People ask me about blow jobs essentially all the fucking time, so hearing it from the Frosh was no shocker. Seriously. I’ll be buying my groceries and the clerk will be like “But really, about that deep throating”. It is absurd how hot a topic fellatio is. Luckily, the frequency of which I am asked this question has allowed me to break it down into three short n’ sweet lil’ tips (though I do recommend coming to a blow job workshop at Venus Envy if you really wanna know):

Tip 1)  The wetter the better. Get some serious saliva on that cock. And if you are having a hard time doing that, add some lube. Some people really like using a flavoured
lube in this instance, but I personally find that shit gross. Its like filling my mouth with fluoride when I’m really just trying to enjoy getting someone off. So, I go for a
simple, taste-less, water-based lube.

Tip 2) Don’t forget the balls. While this isn’t true all of the time (nothing really is), a lot of people like a little bit of scrotal action while there shaft is being sucked. So
bring ‘em into your palm and gently rub ‘em around. Gentle is a key word here. Punching, kicking, pulling, or otherwise rough-handling balls is not typically
appreciated.

Tip 3) Enjoy it! And this goes for all sex acts, really. It is not generally fun for anyone to be doing something with their lover(s) if it seems like said lover is performing
a chore. So, have fun when you’re giving head and let the person know that you are into it. Make some hot eye contact. Moan a little bit, while the dick is in your
mouth. Say something dirty, like “I love having your cock in my mouth.” Essentially, communicating that you’re having a good time is hot.

                             Question 2:  Is having sex in the water a good idea?

I had no idea getting wild in the water was so trendy, but considering how many times this one came up, it must be. Personally, I had never really thought much about fucking in a body of water, mostly because to me it sounds more like a mess of awkward and flailing limbs than a synchronized, sexy performance. But, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea. It could be completely do-able. However, there are a few things one should keep in mind if they really wanna get down and dirty in the public pool.

Thing A) Condoms and water are not like peanut butter and jam. That is to say, they don’t go hand in hand. Hot water and chemicals, like chlorine, can effect a
condoms durability, making it hard for ya’ll to be safe about it. Plus, all that water makes it more likely that the condom will slip off.

Thing B) Vaginas and water are not necessarily allies either. While getting plain old bath water all up in there may not be so bad, the bacteria and chemicals that hang out in
pools and hot tubs can be irritating and yeast-infection inducing.

Thing C) Fucking in the water actually makes things more dry. The water washes away all that sweet n’ sticky natural vaginal lubricant people produce. So, using a
silicone lube, which is impervious to water, is a good idea.

                               Question 3:  Can all girls squirt?

We got asked this one a whole lot. Where as I had no idea what squirting was until I was like, 23, apparently every first year university student in Halifax is pretty interested in making it happen. To answer concisely: yes, every person born with a vulva has the capacity to “squirt”, or ejaculate. Ejaculation occurs when the G-Spot (aka the urethral sponge), which is located just inside the vaginal opening, is stimulated. To find your (or your pal’s) G-Spot, get real turned on. The G-Spot swells when you are stimulated, so start with some good ol’ fashioned foreplay. Then, reach your fingers into the vagina and curl them up towards the belly button, in a classic “come hither” motion. You just may feel a slightly swollen area, roughly the size of a dime. That’s the G-Spot. If you push on it, it just may feel real good. If you push on it for a long time, and are feelin’ real hot n’ heavy, you just may ejaculate. I use the words “just may” intentionally. For some people, making this happen ain’t no thang (though I have a hard time believing that some can project that shit across the room the way you see in some porn). For others, it can feel like it’s nearly impossible. My advice is to practice. Practice,  read about it, try some toys, and mostly don’t get discouraged. Sex is sex. Squirting may be great, but ultimately, having fun and feeling good should be your end goal, not gushing all over your hot little hand.