Furious Cowgirl

Friday, October 24, 2008

Question

During a bridal shower, several of my friends discovered that we had all had a one-night stand or a short relationship with this one guy we all know. And about half of us wound up with some kind of venereal infection as a result. He won't use condoms; he brags he's too big to fit in one. (Not true, by the way.) Don't you think he should be shown the error of his ways? I don't like the idea of him running around and giving other girls a case of chlamydia, herpes, genital warts, or gonorrhea. Do you believe this? One of my friends suggested hacking into his website and putting up a warning about his dirty habits. She could do it, too. What do you think? How can we stop this public health menace? My posse is saddled up and ready to ride!

Answer

Your posse sounds more like a lynch mob. I agree that this guy sounds like a complete creep. But did all of you check your brains at the side of the bed? You can't get chlamydia or gonorrhea if you make the guy use a condom. These latex barriers also dramatically reduce the spread of herpes or warts. Take responsibility for your own safety and never have sex with somebody who rejects rubbers. Repeat after me: "No glove, no love." Always look at your partner's mouth and genital area, and don't have sex with him if he's got bumps or sores. Be aware that herpes can be spread even if there are no obvious outbreaks. This might indicate that you shouldn't have sex with anyone unless you can trust him or her to get regularly tested for STIs and tell the truth about their status. I'd go even further and suggest that if a guy bitches too much about using protection, you can't necessarily trust him to keep the condom on or refrain from breaking it.

Unfortunately, you can't reverse the dangerous effects of the most serious STIs. Your body is precious. Youth is no armor against a virus, bacteria, or sperm. Half of the people in the world have penises. It usually is not very difficult to find a replacement for a dick who won't behave himself. Unless a guy is fatally narcissistic, he's so happy to get some pussy that he'll wear a rubber on his freakin' BIG head if that's what it takes to get laid.

Frankly, all of you should be grateful that you don't have hepatitis or HIV. Get vaccinated against hep and HPV, the virus that causes genital warts and can trigger cervical cancer. Since hacking into somebody else's web site is a criminal act, I can't advise you to do this, but there's no reason why you can't conduct your own public information campaign. A word to the wise in the ear of any girl he chats up will perhaps send up a signal that he needs to change his Typhoid Mary ways.