G Spot Joe

Friday, May 21, 2010

Question

I'm a male in his 40s who's told he's a good lover by his partners. I know I am, but there is one thing that I sorely lack in the female pleasuring department: I can't seem to make women squirt. I've tried numerous times, and the only thing I do is give them a burning and peeing sensation and myself a numb arm and wrist. I would like you to point me in the direction of books or videos that teach exactly how to do this properly. I sure don't want to learn it from a porn flick that doesn't show much any-way.

I Squirt You Not

Answer

Here's my first piece of advice, Squirt: stop labouring under the impression that you can "make" a woman do anything—and let's put a special sticky note with this caveat on the G-spot. Imagine how it feels for us womenfolk that this hallowed piece of real estate was named after a man (Ernst Gräfenberg). Then, to add injury to insult, we've got one intrepid explorer after another poking and prodding around down there so they can add dowsing to their curriculum vulva.

I think because the G-spot has the potential for such spectacular results, people have placed a real premium on claiming it, almost as though they're drilling for oil. This kind of capitalist approach can really put a lot of stress on both the prospect and the prospector.

This is not to say that becoming skilled in the art of pleasure isn't a noble pursuit. But your proficiency must be accompanied by a desire to learn from your partners. Women do not conform to certain industry standards when it comes to bodily functioning. You must integrate listening and asking into your list of skills.

Perhaps the women you've been with haven't ejaculated because they can't. (Some advocates—yes, there are female ejaculation advocates—say that all women can. Women who are tired of hearing this—and tired of being relentlessly jabbed in the bladder—are free to use my response, which is simply to piss on fixated partners.) Or they are unfamiliar with the particulars themselves. The burning or peeing sensation is not unusual, since you are massaging the paraurethral ("para" meaning alongside, "urethral" meaning related to the urethra) glands. Debate still rages about where this fluid comes from, even though the bladder is the only organ in the direct vicinity large enough to produce so much.

I'm going to give you some resources, Squirt, but remember, they provide a general understanding; discussion is paramount.

Films: Nina Hartley's Guide to G Spot Sex, and Female Ejaculation For Couples by Deborah Sundahl.

Books: Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot ($22.95, Hunter House) by Deborah Sundahl.

And a warning: female ejaculation enthusiasts generally come in two types: goddess fluid activist (isismedia.org/) or Frank T.J. Mackey, Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia (squirttechnique.com/), each with his own agenda. So take all of this information with a grain of salt and please remember to have fun.