In Short

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Question

A concern has slowly been creeping up on me. I’m not a big guy by any means (5-foot-6, 140 pounds), and I’ve been finding it harder and harder to deal with my height in regard to attracting women. I’ve had two girlfriends break up with me because they preferred taller guys, and I’ve been on a couple of first dates where the same thing has been said.
I’m not knocking the girls. In fact, I praise them for being honest, because, let’s face it, you’re either physically attracted to the person or you’re not. 
My confidence in myself with girls has been slowly chipped away because I physically can’t be the type to “manhandle” them as most I’ve been with have wanted to be. I’m relatively fit in that I play hockey, jog, bike, etc, but I can’t really bulk up. 
I know I can’t really change any of this and I must learn to accept myself for who I am and what I can offer, and I do, but with every step forward I take, I always end up suffering another blow to my confidence that pushes me back a step or two. 
I know I just have to get back on the horse and not let any of this faze me, but with girlfriends being few and far between, it’s getting harder to get back up on that horse. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I’m not at the end of my rope with this or anything, just getting tired of it always affecting the outcome.

Answer

Let me be clear in stating that I have nothing but respect and a sense of deep awe for the city of Winnipeg. According to Environment Canada, it is the coldest city in the world for populations over 600,000 and is also informally known as Canada’s mos quito and Slurpee capital. It is home to some insanely talented artists – Guy Maddin, Noam Gonick, the Lesbian Rangers and Sarah Anne Johnson, to name just a handful. Win nipeg is, however, a relatively small city – the population isn’t even close to 1 million. As many folks will tell you, sometimes you need to cast a wider net to find love. 
There are also many women in the world significantly smaller than you. Would you consider a very petite woman as a lover, or are your own attractions limiting your options as well? Are you deliberately dating women who have a passion for taller men in order to prove some sort of Groucho Marx “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member” point? 
I’d also like to gently remind you that in the grand scheme of things, yours is a very, very minor disadvantage. In fact, it’s probably the amount of privilege you do have that permits you to focus on this rather nugatory detail. I won’t bore you by proffering the many lists available online of suc cessful short men (a large majority over whom you’d tower).
One underlying implication when records of this nature are compiled is that people who have perceived hindrances are always overcompensating, and any of the negative attributes they display (pushiness, being easily vexed or voluble) are then attributed to the fact that they must al ways fight to take space. Take these equations as an example: 
Tall person who is loud = tall person who is loud.
Short person who is loud = short person who is loud because he or she is short. 
Women who are fat will tell you that nearly everything they do is attributed to their weight, though you don’t even have to act like a bitch for a complete stranger to call you a fat bitch. It seems to be simply a given that your weight determines your personality and that it is every person’s right to comment unkindly on this fact. 
While it may be true that people who are not blessed with qualities that are commonly considered desirable may have to work harder to get what they want, the implication is that what they want must always be determined by standards that exclude them. This can be pretty discouraging and also really fucking patronizing. You’re allowed to let setbacks faze you, Luc, but as you get back on your horse, try to do so with kind self-regard.
To be honest, I don’t think it’s that cool for women to go out on dates with you and be forthcoming that they prefer taller men, especially if they knew that they were picky about this sort of thing to begin with. I’m not suggesting you should tie yourself in a huge knot about this, but I want you to know I think this is pretty shitty. I’ve been there, dude. It smarts.