Jack the Giant
Thursday, April 16, 2015
QuestionDear Patrick: I am a tall guy who has a cock in proportion to my height. I’m bisexual but lately I seem to be going through a phase where I mostly have sex with other men. Something is annoying me, though, that I wanted to comment on to see if you had any solutions. Why is it that the guy who has the biggest cock is always expected to be the top? Can you answer me that? If I go cruising, other guys are on their backs with their legs in the air before they even ask me what my name is or check in about what I was looking for myself. Half the time, they can’t take my cock anyway, we spend 20 minutes greasing us both up and trying to get it in, and they wind up giving me a hand job when I wanted to get fucked. It would have been easy for me to take their cock, and we could have spent more time “doing the deed.” I have also noticed that guys with smaller cocks get a complex when they try to have sex with me. If I do talk them into fucking me, they go soft if they look at my erection too much. It’s as if they feel inferior when the size of a man’s cock is beyond his control. I have never seen a cock I didn’t want to touch, suck, and so forth. They are all fascinating toys that do cool tricks; size doesn’t matter. I just love feeling a man’s arms around me while he gets himself off inside of me, and I know I am making him feel good. Getting penetrated isn’t what I want every time I have sex, but I would like to be able to choose when I top and when I bottom, not have it be automatically based on my anatomy. Tell me what you think. But more importantly, how do I tell the cum-junkies I am cruising how to behave so I am not always the one with his joy-stick in a condom?
AnswerDear Jack the Giant: Should we blame porn? Seems like men are easily conditioned by visual stimulation, and it’s certainly a convention in man-to-man sex videos that the biggest cock gets used on the nearest ass. I can’t disagree with one word of your letter. In every bath house, sex party, or club I’ve been in, the guys with the big cocks are assumed to be tops unless they have a boyfriend or other keeper there to make an ironic comment like “that donkey dick is just a handle,” and then keep them on all fours with their butts in the air. I think, however, that part of your problem is that you are being too shy about wanting to bottom, and too agreeable about trying to top. We might even call your style co-dependent. Why allow somebody to grease up your cock and attempt to sit on it, even if he can’t take it, when you aren’t really in the mood to play the stud? If you can’t find the words to plainly state your desires, you can always use body language to insist that you came for something else. One guy I knew who had your problem used to find a room at the baths, lay on the bunk, and cover up his cock with both hands so nobody could see it. He just displayed his cute hiney to whoever came past the doorway. His booted feet were always propped up on the walls of the cubicle. He would lift himself up off the bed to show off his furry asshole and muscular thighs.. If somebody wanted to look under his hands, he would say, “No! I don’t want to use that tonight.” Anybody who persisted was told, “Get the fuck out.” Gay cruising is not a cotillion. The speech is often crude and rude, and there’s a lot of ass-grabbing and tit-twisting. But this serves the purpose of hooking up compatible (and horny) players as quickly as possible. There’s also the gambit of just laying on your stomach, on a towel, and looking coyly over your shoulder at potential suitors. You can raise up a bit to reach your cock if you need to jack off, but you don’t have to show it off to anybody coming into your area. A guy who doesn’t want to fuck you won’t be walking up to you to investigate your cheeks. If you are cruising in a park or on a beach instead of in a club, it isn’t hard to take a towel with you and get on your belly. Douche out your butt and grease up your ass before you leave home. Have condoms with you. Never assume the guy who is going to fuck you will be equipped for safe play. As a last resort, wear a butt plug. I know plenty of tops who keep one in while fucking. The sensation can be a little confusing, but if you really need to feel something inside your ass in order to stay turned on, a toy can be a good friend. Besides, somebody who finds that plug will quickly understand that this is where the core of your eroticism lies, at least for that evening. If the problem seems to be that your partner feels slightly inadequate Maybe it will help to ask yourself why you are agreeing to try to do sex acts that don’t really turn you on. Are you a little ashamed of wanting to bottom? Or do you have a wee bit of fear that if you insist on bottoming, you won’t find anybody to fill that empty place inside? It’s certainly true that men are told, repeatedly, that no “real man” gets fucked. And it IS harder to find a top than it is to be one. The popularity a big-dicked man gets when he tops is a little hard to give up. And not every bottom whose eyes widen at the sight of a big cock is unable to do much with it. There are exceptions. If there’s any truth to my suspicions, do whatever you have to do to clear the cobwebs out of the way. Because I do want to encourage you to be more bold about what you want. Your basic conviction is so true—having a certain size of cock shouldn’t pigeonhole you into the role of a dominant! But if you don’t go big and insist on what you want, you won’t find it. It really is okay to say, “No, dammit, my asshole is twitching, and I want some attention back there. I need to be fucked, right now, and I’m not going to take any detours. I’m sorry if I look like somebody else’s fantasy of a porno sex god, but what I want is to ride a hard cock till I shoot.” Besides, let’s not forget, all of the bottoms in gay porn have big cocks as well, don’t they?
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