Lost Lesbian

Friday, May 27, 2005

Question

I am a young lesbian who is new to the whole concept of sex with another girl. My girlfriend is even less experienced than I am! We are both somewhat timid when it comes to sex. We both want it, but we just don't know where to start. What are good ways for me to give her the pleasure that she deserves? Are there any tips or tricks I can use to really get her going?

Answer

Why not read a copy of Felice Newman's The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us, or my book Sapphistry? These sex manuals describe dozens of different techniques that two women can use to turn each other on and get each other off. Reading the book together can be a nice form of foreplay. (Hint No. 1: The more she giggles, the more she wants whatever she's reading about.)

But I won't leave you without more help than that! Ordering a book takes time. So while you are waiting — start with kissing. Less is more, so don't suck her lips off! Stroke her face and neck and shoulders. Let your lips graze hers so she can feel your warm breath. Take your time to gently tease her lips apart with your tongue. Kiss and nibble her neck. Then return to kissing her. Be careful not to force her mouth open too far; you don't want to hurt her jaw. And don't get spit all over her face!

While she is deliciously distracted with kissing, let your hands wander over her body. Leave her clothes on for now, but touch her in all the places where she is the most sensitive. Let your fingertips linger over her nipples and breasts. Press the palm of your hand into her crotch. Tickle her arms and inner thighs. Make her long to be undressed, so she can feel your hands more freely. Slowly unbutton or unzip just enough of her clothing to give yourself access.

Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her that you love her. Mention the things that her body is doing to let you know she is aroused. If her nipples are hard, tell her you can tell that she likes what you are doing, and ask her to say that she wants your hands on her breasts. Encouraging her to tell you how it feels when you touch her is a good habit to get into. Not only is it erotic as hell, it is also a way to open up communication, so that you will know she likes what you are doing, or she will be able to ask for something different if it's not feeling good.

It will drive her crazy if you switch from doing something intensely sexual, like sucking on her nipples, to something sensuous but nonsexual, like a back massage. Once you have the muscles in her shoulders and lower back relaxed, you can let your hands travel down to her buttocks and thighs, where there is a lot of sensitive skin. Lick her skin and then blow warm air on her. Knead her muscles. Get your hand in between her legs and probe for her wetness. Both of you will be excited when you can feel that.

If you like, you can give her extreme pleasure by simply using your hands to stimulate her clitoris. Circle it with your wet fingertip. Combine this with more kisses or attention to her breasts. Let her kiss and touch you as well, because this will contribute to her excitement and keep you invested in what is happening. Explore the possibility of penetration. If she likes it, it's okay to slip a finger or two inside of her; if she doesn't like it, don't insist. Most women enjoy pressure upward toward the roof of the vagina, toward the navel. But there's no predicting exactly what she will like, so allow her to experience every variation