I’m a straight socialist feminist guy who loves sex. Especially breasts! No surprise here!
I have two questions:
I love YouPorn, but it seems so commercial and male. Do women like it as well, or this is a product of the system?
Second: I love blowing my load on breasts, but most of the women I have dated over the years are surprised by this. Why? Who – these days – could be surprised by this desire? Not that I build my sex life around it. I’m too sensitive and smart for that!
About 12 years ago (here in my col-umn anyway), blowing your load on chicks’ tits was controversial. Mostly, it seems, the fear was around a fellow’s inability to ejaculate without frosting the cupcakes (I just came up with this term, by the way. Please note that it has the quality of a snarky Gen X analogy but with a contemporary retro-snack reference). It was the single-mindedness of the act that was worrying, exacerbated by a few freshly passé theories about ejaculating on a woman’s face and/or tits expressing an oppressive “take that, bitch” attitude.
We were all a bit shell-shocked by the late 80s at that point, Predictable, just doing our best to be sex-positive sluts who were battling The Man and The Womyn all at once. Those were some bewildering times. If you made it out without acquiring HPV, a stripper’s licence and a ’zine about acquiring HPV and stripper’s license, you are a rare lady indeed.
It’s not that the fear of a single-minded lover isn’t reasonable. Being per-ceived in an erotic exchange as a means to an end can be disconcerting and hurtful. It feels like you’re being used to masturbate instead of being fucked (it’s a thin, blurry, ever-changing line, I know). As you say, though, you’re conscious enough to realize you should mix it up – make it a dialogue instead of a soliloquy, so to speak.
Is it possible the pearl necklace is still on thin ice? Do you feel comfortable asking your partners why they find this act surprising? I’d be curious.
And YouPorn, eh? If that’s your poi-son and you’re afraid your poison conflicts with your politics, what can I say? Bringing policy into the bedroom can often cause some discord. As you can see, just because something has the word “You” in it doesn’t automatically mean it’s a whimsical self-production. And just because it’s a product of the system doesn’t mean it won’t appeal to women.
It’s wrongheaded to burden wo-men with the task of being the gatekeepers for acceptable adult fare. For ex-ample, I imagine you’d find my taste in porn sickening. I won’t go into the details here, but let’s just say I spent a lot of time screaming at boyfriends for liking way less objectionable stuff in order to draw attention away from my own disgusting tastes.
I think some women would find the offerings on YouPorn appealing, some would find them dull, some would find them reprehensible and some would pretend to find them reprehensible in order to keep up appearances. YouPorn generally does not collect PII (Personally Identifiable Information, youporn.com/privacy), so it would be hard to know what the site’s gender demographics are. But again, this wouldn’t give a clear picture of its social merits.
One thing I’m sure we both like about it is that it’s free. But is that good for the workers? Speaking from personal experience, no it’s not. If we wanted to be truly on the right side of this as socialist types, Predictable, this would be our concern. Are our sex workers being adequately compensated for their efforts? If you don’t want your porn being overrun by corporate agendas, then you must be willing to pay even just a little for it.
There is plenty of DIY pornogra-phy on the net designed to sate Marxist taste/guilt. Furry Girl has been an independent for eight years now and provides a comprehensive page of links to almost all of it at her site: furrygirl.com/links.html, including Fuck For Forest from Sweden, which benefits environmental groups, and No Fauxxx, one of the better-known DIY clearinghouses online.