Neglected

Friday, February 10, 2006

Question

I love my boyfriend, but in my opinion, we do not have a normal sex life. He says he just doesn't think about it. When I just can't wait any more, I make love to him, which results in no satisfaction for me. I am becoming very insecure about my body as a result. He only touches my breasts and my ass, but not my vagina, and he certainly won't lick it. What should I do?

Answer

If your boyfriend won't change, you can always change boyfriends. You already know the truth—your sex life is far from normal or satisfying. There are a lot of reasons why he could have a low libido. Some medications like antidepressants or blood pressure treatments do this, and so does diabetes and a few other illnesses. He should get a complete physical from his doctor to see if something serious is wrong.

People also lose interest in sex if they are depressed, if they resent their partner, or if they aren't doing the things that they really want to do. Confronting these issues is hard, and no progress can be made if both partners are not willing to be honest and seek out some solutions.

His rejection of your body has impaired your self-confidence. You are feeling so bad about yourself that you are willing to put up with this neglect. It's the 21st century, girlfriend—a man who won't eat pussy doesn't deserve to get any lovin' at all. If he won't put himself on the fast track to self-improvement, I'd recommend you toss him out. Then make a firm resolution to do a better job of checking out your next lover. You really do deserve to be savored, fondled, licked, kissed, and pinched and patted in all your special secret places. I'm sorry he is doing so poorly, but I don't think you should suffer too. Maybe if he realizes you are serious about leaving him if things don't change, he can find the energy to get himself more together.