No Box For You

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Question

I am currently on a number of online dating sites and am forced to misrepresent myself. In real life I describe myself as a genderqueer/fluid and pansexual. Unfortunately, the sites I'm on don't acknowledge genders and sexualities outside of the "norm". Are there any good online dating sites that recognize my existence? Or make it easier to find potential partners online that might also not identify as either straight/gay/bi, man or woman? Where is there queer cruising online?

QCO

Answer

You're running up against a problem that genderqueer, transgender and transsexual people face in many aspects of their lives, QCO. Whether accessing health care, government services, employment opportunities or online dating, it's the same story: there's no box for you. Even dating websites that fall outside the heteronormative model tend to ask only whether you're male or female. Would it kill them to go a little less binary without getting preciously specific? I know it's been a Fetlife festival here lately but as my friend Holly says, "It's the one of the only sites that allows you to choose your gender. On that note you can also choose forniphilia, fisting and furries as things you like to do, just like long walks on the beach."

You may, as some friends have remarked, endure some unwanted attention on Fetlife by people who do not read what is clearly written in your profile, but let's face it, this can be an issue on a lot of dating/social networking sites. Another pansexual friend who cruises online a lot endorses www.okcupid.com, though you'll notice their gender categories are limited to male or female. Consider sending feedback to sites about their options and see if they don't make some effort to include you and yours.