No G Spot Here

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Question

I like getting penetrated, but how can I persuade my very enthusiastic and well-meaning butch girlfriend that not every woman ejaculates? She has seen those damn videos and thinks it's really cool when those pussies squirt all over the place. I wouldn't care if I liked having my G-spot shoved around, but I don't, I like penetration further back, so that it moves my cervix around. Pushing the roof of my vagina just makes me want to pee, and it's very distracting. Help save my sex life!

Answer

Dammit, what is this G-spot obsession about? This is an imaginary name for a mythical organ that does not exist in the female body. No one has ever done an autopsy or a medical dissection and found a G-spot. We still don't know exactly why some women ejaculate and others don't; the chemical composition of the ejaculate and the mechanism by which it is produced are still being debated.

We do know that some women have an erogenous zone located on the roof of the vaginal passageway. Pressure upward, toward the belly button, can stimulate spongy tissue that surrounds the neck of the bladder. This kind of pressure sometimes reveals a muscular, raised, spongy oval; sometimes the supposed location of the G-spot doesn't feel any different than the rest of the vaginal roof. A few women expel noticeable quantities of liquid when this area is firmly stimulated. (I have also seen at least one case of female ejaculation, however, that involved no penetration.)

Some women like the way it feels to have this area stimulated. OTHERS DO NOT. Vaginal penetration includes many options for stroking nerve endings. Some women like to feel repeated stretching of the vaginal opening; others like pressure downward, toward the rectum; some go crazy if you gently probe or move the cervix. The idea that any woman can learn how to have an ejaculation is crap. Most female ejaculators have always been able to do this, and not all of them are happy about it. Partners can get queasy, sheets get drenched, and so it's hard to have spontaneous sex. Briefing your paramour and putting down a waterproof, absorbent pad doesn't always feel romantic or erotic. By taking note of this, I am not siding with the women or men who reject a woman for ejaculating. That's ridiculous; it's a hot and lovely thing to see, and can be a wonderful way of bonding with your partner.

Granted, a very few women might be able to ejaculate with "G-spot" pressure who haven't expelled liquid during orgasm before. But that does not justify some amateur sexologist getting obsessive about pummeling your interior, Dear Reader, in a manner that is offensive to you and not productive of pleasure. Tell your girlfriend to knock it off. The next time she starts knockin' where you ain't rockin', remove yourself from the field of love's battle. This is called "setting a healthy boundary." Your body belongs to you and is for your enjoyment. Other people don't get to use you as an object to gratify their peccadilloes. If denied your favors, she will probably realize the error of her ways. Why? Because pussy is that good, that's why.

Love and love taps,
YOUR ADVISOR
Patrick Califia

Links to more information:

from Carol Queen:

Sexologists and researchers still disagree about G-spot functioning, especially about the fluid expelled by ejaculating women. Is it urine, as many doctors assumed in the past? Is it of a completely non-urinary character? Or is it a mix? For some time most of the information within the women's community opted for the "it is not urine" choice; others, including some of the researchers who've studied ejaculate, now feel that the first quantity of fluid expelled when a woman ejaculates is non-urinary, but if she continues to stimulate her G-spot and ejaculates quite a lot, further expulsions may be mixed with urine.

I'm in this latter camp, incidentally — Betty, my partner Dr. Robert Lawrence and I once arranged to do a dissection to look for the G-spot, something most sex educators, sex researchers, and anatomists have never done. The organ we found was clearly a "female prostate" — the very experienced anatomist who was assisting us said it looked just like a male prostate — but it was too small to hold the quantities of liquid some women can ejaculate. Betty, too, is firmly convinced that women who ejaculate very large quantities are expelling some urine, although the science is not truly nailed down. Maybe sometime in this millennium we'll know the whole truth. Meanwhile, this doesn't mean you have to stop trying to ejaculate for fear of wetting the bed. We're just behaving in a mammalian way. Put a towel down and party!