Now We're Both Cross

Friday, May 21, 2010

Question

I'll admit, after giving this some thought, that I never should have asked you the question "Is it wrong to hide my other life from my girlfriend?" Still, your response angered me, because you act as if open communication is a solution without enormous risks for someone in my position. Don't belittle me with this Clinton, loophole and "shop-worn" business; try and walk in my shoes and tell me that you wouldn't do the same.

Let's say I tell my girlfriend about this double life and she says she's fine with it, but one day our relationship needs to break up and she becomes bitter. If things get ugly, she has access to my entire circle of friends and associates. What if she exposes me? I would be destroyed!

My play friend is a friend at a distance; she knows me only at my store, doesn't know where I live and has no access to my network. All of our play takes place in my environment, so I can prevent any potential recording or other possible activities that could put me in a compromised situation. If she wanted to expose me, all she could do is picket outside my store, in which case she would just look crazy.

If you really understand the queer and kink communities as you claim, you should understand that I really have little choice but to hide certain aspects of my life if I want to keep the lifestyle I have. If I get exposed, I could very well end up marginalized like every other tranny whose male-bodied/female-identified choices of employment forcibly narrow to fashion, performance and hooking. Name me one out-of-the-closet cross-dresser who has made it as a successful businessman (not in the fields of fashion, performance or sex work) and I will give you half my business.

Lewis

Answer

I don't want half your business Lewis. I just want people who own shit to stop making excuses for their deceitful behaviour based on ideologies of shame and marginalization they themselves help perpetuate. I would also like these people to stop acting as if I and every other hooker, fashion designer and actor get to live our lives openly 24/7 and that when we do it isn't a struggle.

Do you know what a misogynistic and competitive world stand-up comedy is? Do you think for a fucking second that Eddie Izzard had an easy time coming out as a cross-dresser in that environment? Do you think shit's been easy for Nina Arsenault? These people live their lives openly despite attitudes like yours, you self-important schmuck, not because it's easy or more acceptable in the environments in which they move. And if it's become easier and acceptable it's because they've fought tooth and nail to make it so.

Keep your secret, Lewis. Don't ever truly let someone in. Don't trust anyone. Put your business and reputation before intimate connections and truth. Let us live our marginalized lives while you hold onto some idea that we're disreputable for doing so. This is the life you've chosen for your-self, so now you have to play by those rules.

Like I said earlier, you have only yourself to blame for fostering an atmosphere of shame around such proclivities, choices and realities.