Odd Man Out

Friday, October 02, 2009

Question

What do you do when you can't stand your best friend's new boyfriend? George and I used to see each other a couple times a week, talk on the phone every day, and keep each other current on everything from shoes to new movies to direct action demos. Now he is with this twinkie who seems to have little to offer my friend other than a cute butt, a big cock, and a handsome if insipid face. This kid (I call him that even though he is in his late 20s) can't stand it if he isn't the center of attention. He brings every conversation back to himself. To zero, in other words, because he does not read, does not go to school, has no serious career plans, and works in an adult bookshop. If anything serious is mentioned, he makes some dumb joke to change the subject. I honestly don't see how the three of us can be friends. I have nothing in common with this person and it challenges my respect for my brilliant friend to see him put so much energy into a "trophy" type relationship. I know the sex is hot, and I'm sick of hearing about that as well. But that hardly seems like enough to make a lasting partnership. What should I do?

Answer

Sweetie, there's nothing you can do. If you try to tell your friend how you feel about his new love interest, you'll just force him to choose between his friendship with you and all the hot sex and romance. Given that they are in the honeymoon phase where the testosterone and semen is flowing like the Mississippi River, you have no chance of winning that contest.

Bide your time. Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and your friend will be open to seeing you one-to-one. The frequency of your meetings will probably never rise to pre-relationship levels, but you'll be able to pry him away from the fuck toy you despise so much.

The more you keep your lip zipped, the more likely your friend will be to confide in you when or if things go a bit sour. Then's the time to look a bit sad and say, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. The two of you seemed so happy together. What's going on?" Any queen worth his salt can take it from there.You might want to prepare yourself for the possibility that this won't be a short-term fling. Some guys don't want intellectual parity and cultured conversation with their lovers. When they hit the front door of their lovely homes, they want a change of pace. A cute, loyal, highly sexed boyfriend won't compete with you like a colleague at work or judge you if you aren't publishing a new article every week or winning promotions at work. He just wants to get his hands on your body. For many bright men, this makes for a balanced life. It's like having a vacation in the bedroom every night.

You've probably come to depend too much on one friend. Branch out a bit. Cultivate some of the people you don't call as often as your BFF. Chances are one or two of them have good qualities you overlooked. If not, start bringing some brand new people into your life. I know this is tough, but I don't think you've got any other option.

And while you are at it, could I ask why you don't express any ambition to stumble over a love bunny of your own? Are you angry with your friend because he didn't give up on romance as well? Did you have a secret hope that one day he would notice how devoted you are and fall in love with you?

I hope your friendship survives this startling change in life circumstances. Please don't desert your friend just because he's become distant. There may very well be a time when he'll really need you. If this relationship does break up, it's going to be ugly. You'll want to be there for the fireworks, tea, and sympathy.

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