One Lady's Man

Friday, June 20, 2008

Question

Hey there Patrick. Is there any way to make a woman's climax better? My girlfriend is great in bed, responsive as hell, but I want to make sure I am better than any other lover she's ever had. I want to drive her completely crazy. Any sure-fire tricks?

Answer

Go take a class in massage. This is the best starting point for anyone who wants to be a good lover. Massage teaches you to slow down and patiently explore each individual body's quirks and needs. It helps you to identify muscle groups that carry tension. You learn a variety of touches—for example, there is a difference between the way you stroke the skin and the way you work a knot out of someone's shoulder. These are all killer makeout techniques.

Second, learn how to kiss. Like massage, there are many different caresses that can be administered with the mouth. There's a simple brush that's like the stroke of a butterfly wing, there's a gradual addition of moisture and tongue to the kiss, the use of teeth, and alternating all of these. The most common mistakes during kissing are leaving too much spit on somebody else's mouth, pressing too hard on the other person's lips, and shoving your tongue down their throat too quickly. Also remember there are a lot of places to kiss other than the lips. You can drive your girlfriend crazy by kissing her back, the inside of her elbows, the places where her knees bend, and her inner thighs. The throat is also sensitive. Some people love to have their ears nibbled and others would like to shoot you for trying. So ask before you go there.

Learn where her erogenous zones are. For most guys, the breasts are the obvious place to go once clothes begin to come off. We tend to be fascinated with those sweet curvy objects. But this is dicey territory. A big, luscious-looking, irresistible pair of tits may in actual fact be insensitive and irritating to the touch. Some women go crazy if you firmly grasp their breasts and get a little rough with them; others would find this painful. A good lover knows when to ask, "Do you like this?" or "Tell me if you want it lighter or harder." Erogenous zones can include the back, the top of the buttocks, the back of the thighs, or the feet.

The fact is that even if she doesn't know she has erotically sensitive skin on a certain part of her body, the fact that you are thoughtfully exploring it is usually a turn-on. Teasing is the key to most women's sexual response. To drive her pussy crazy, you might even pretend you are not at all interested in touching it. Go everywhere else first.

Talking to her is as important as your touch. Tell her that you like what you see—her warmth, her smooth skin, her shape and the sounds she makes. Ask her what she is fantasizing about. If you can get some verbal clues, and you have a decent imagination, make a few suggestions based on that theme. Fantasy is a wonderful ally of female sexual response. If you can discover what she thinks about when she masturbates or has sex, you have the keys to the kingdom. (But don't be silly enough to get jealous. You are the one she's in bed with; you are the one she wants to make these dirty dreams come true.)

By now, anybody who's ever watched an X-rated video should know about the clitoris—that little bump at the top of her inner lips. That small organ is the key to the female orgasm. Some women climax from penetration alone, but even they usually like to have the clitoris stimulated during intercourse or manual stroking. You can do this with your mouth, your hand, or encourage her to touch herself. Unfortunately, the sexes are not compatible here. Most men like fairly firm pressure during oral sex or a handjob. But if you hurt her clit, she's going to be jolted right out of the sexual trance created by all of your great foreplay. Err on the side of caution. If she wants more pressure, it's easy to amp up. Another thing to pay attention to is the structure of the clitoris. Its head or glans is usually partially covered by a thin layer of skin called the clitoral hood. I recommend that you begin by placing your tongue or lubricated finger on the hood rather than the exposed glans. For some girls, that tiny bit of swollen tissue is too sensitive for direct touch. Others may relish that kind of stimulation. If so, you can close in on it after you've made friends with the rest of her pussy.

Don't insert your hard cock as soon as she gets wet. Give her a few more minutes of oral or hand work. Before orgasm, her internal reproductive organs need to go through some changes. The uterus changes position slightly, creating a longer vaginal canal and changing the angle of the cervix (the round protrusion at the end of her vagina). If you start pumping at the first sign of moisture, she won't be truly ready for cock.

Once she's moving her hips, breathing fast, a little flushed, and quite possibly begging aloud to be fucked, go ahead and enter, but don't stop touching her clit. At some point, she may ask to take over, and don't be offended by this. It's the highest sign of love and trust for a girl to rub her own clit while you fuck her. That way, you can focus on thrusting, she can savor the combination of sensations in her pelvis, and everybody gets what they want—orgasms that will make you temporarily blind.

Here's another very important hint: Keep rubbing her clit even if she's already started to come. This can be difficult to do because she may be thrashing around and even closing her legs, so she can enjoy the pressure of her thighs. Keep your hand in there and keep it pressed up against the picky pink pearl. She needs that continued stimulation to keep coming.

It's hard to give generic sex advice about making love to women because their sexuality is so varied. (Would you ever climb on top of a dryer to masturbate?) If your partner is not very experienced, encouraging her to take time alone to masturbate and enjoy erotica can really boost your sex life as a couple. She will come back from that experience with more knowledge of her body and greater comfort with it. She may also have a few ideas (pirates, anyone?) about fun games to play in bed.

There's nothing wrong with telling her what you like as well. For some women, paying attention to your body is a form of foreplay. She may want to suck your cock while you gently stimulate her with your hand. If she says she wants something, give her positive reinforcement for showing initiative. Don't hold her to my script or anybody else's.

Did you want me to describe something like the Velvet Buzzsaw or recommend a particular type of vibrator? A tongue with a lot of stamina or the right sex toy can be a great addition to sex-play. But you would be surprised to know how many people do not have the supposedly basic skills I've outlined above.