Overflowing Quandary

Friday, January 02, 2015

Question

My girlfriend does a really amazing job of sucking my cock. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten better blowjobs. I don’t know where she learned her technique, all I can say is, I am impressed! But I can’t stand the fact that she always spits out my cum. I want to see my lover swallow. I want to fill her up with my cum, whether I am fucking her between the legs or taking her mouth. This is an important part of the fantasy of sex for me, and I have a hard time staying excited without it.

I have tried to talk about this with her but it seems non-negotiable. She doesn’t like the way cum tastes, she has never liked it, she won’t ever swallow it, not with anybody, never no way no how. And if I keep on demanding that she swallow my cum, she will just stop sucking my cock. Period. So I have to make a choice. Do I want amazing blowjobs that don’t end up the way I want them to end in my fantasies, or do I give up on this girl’s incredible skill and passion just because I have a certain scenario in my mind?

Answer

I can empathize with both sides of this equation. The fantasy about seeding your lover seems to be practically hard-wired. It would make sense for biology to push the male animal to leave his cum in his lover. Oddly enough, that seems to hold true whether the sex has reproductive potential or not. Perhaps evolution just plays the odds, figuring that sperm and egg will meet often enough to keep the species going, no matter what fancy variations human beings have created on the sexual dance. On the other hand, the human female doesn’t go into heat. She has no hard-wired hormonal rush that makes sexual receptivity imperative for her. While this gives her the capacity to make love any time of the year, it also means she has more control over what she likes and doesn’t like. And many women just don’t like the taste of cum.

There’s a fairly easy compromise that could make things better for both of you. It takes a little acting ability on her part, and a bit of denial on yours, but if you are both willing to cooperate so you can keep having great sex, why not give up a little bit of your ideal? It sounds like this is the best sex you’ve ever had, Overflowing Quandary, and so I can’t honestly recommend you give her an ultimatum that would result in no more blowjobs. She sounds like the kind of tough-minded lady who would reply, “Okay. It’s no skin off my nose. Do without your oral pleasure if you’re going to be such a demanding idiot.”

Most guys are not at their most observant during or right after an orgasm. Can you let things slip into soft focus while you are ejaculating? Get into your fantasy about your partner swallowing your sperm. Think about having your cock all the way down her throat and her eagerly taking every drop of your cum.

In the meantime, she needs to keep a bandana or washcloth close at hand. Instead of making a big deal out of spitting out your cum and finding it nasty to the taste, she can simply turn her head and quietly spit it into the cloth receptacle. She doesn’t have to ruin your moment by grimacing or loudly complaining. She can just quietly get rid of it, then slip your cock back into her mouth. Some women are even adept at spitting out the cum without spitting out the cock. It takes some practice, but it can make the guy very happy.

If it’s not so obvious that she is doing this, maybe you can relax and just enjoy your fantasy, and not worry about being rejected. I think that is at the bottom of the problem. If your cum doesn’t taste great, maybe your cock doesn’t taste great, and maybe she doesn’t really enjoy sucking your dick. Cock and cum are very connected. Some guys are so adamant about this that they will refuse a blowjob from a woman who won’t swallow because they do believe she doesn’t enjoy sucking them off. I think it’s a separate deal; cocks and precum don’t taste quite the same as ejaculate.

Let me add that this is only the first part of the compromise. If she is going to put on an act to keep you happy, there has to be a quid pro quo. What do you do to drive her crazy in bed? Do you go down on her for twenty minutes while you play with her bottom? Do you know how to use a vibrator on her clit? Are you wonderful at giving foot massages? If there is anything she’s asked for that you haven’t gotten the nerve or energy to do, now’s the time to amp up your act and go for it. She deserves the extra mile.

Lovers who display a special talent need to see appreciation in the bedroom. Sometimes the amazement on a partner’s face and a big compliment are enough, but being able to pleasure somebody in return is the sincerest form of flattery . . . in bed