Just wondering which sex toy is best to have an orgasm—a vibrator or a dildo? I know every woman is different, but could you tell me which one most women say is better? I am looking, not buying either one and having a difficult time deciding.
For most women, clitoral stimulation is where it's at to have orgasms during masturbation and partnered sex as well. Vaginal stimulation can be a very nice add-on, but most women need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm during intercourse or other kinds of vaginal penetration. Granted, there are a significant number of women who can have orgasms from vaginal stimulation/fullness alone, and a handful of women who find direct clitoral stimulation annoying.
So if we are going to play the percentages here, I would recommend a vibrator—one that can be plugged in to a wall outlet instead of a battery-operated one. If it's too strong, it can be used over clothing or a towel, but you can't amp up a vibrator that is too wimpy, and the battery-operated ones are not usually as strong as their plug-in cousins. An exception would be the vibrators that run on rechargeable batteries and don't look like elongated rocket ships.
Two models seem to be front runners in terms of popularity. One is the Hitachi Magic Wand because its ball-shaped head can apply vibrations to the whole vulva, and it is easy to sneak in between yourself and a partner. The other is smaller, has interchangeable heads, and is manufactured by several different companies, including Wahl. The head made specifically for clitoral stim is short and rounded, and is good for the woman who wants to limit the vibes to a more specific area.
That being said—female masturbation and sexual response in general seems to be much more varied than male patterns of stimulation. It can take some experimentation to find just the right toy. This is a daunting prospect if you don't have an unlimited budget, I know, but I wouldn't want you to buy one toy that doesn't work for whatever reason and then give up. Some women really like the less expensive, battery-operated vibrators because they can be used for both clitoral joy and slid inside, either on or off. If you aren't sure you (or a woman friend) will like the way electrically assisted sex feels, why not buy a cheaper smaller vibe and try it out? You or she will know if it's fine as is, doesn't work at all, or would work if you could get a bit more speed and pressure.