Running Cold

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Question

My boyfriend is away at work all week and when he comes home on the weekends it is as though he wants to make up for a week's worth of sex in two days. I just don't have a sex drive that matches his. If I have an orgasm on Friday I am good for the rest of the weekend and might have a bit of a sex drive again on Sunday. If I don't have any orgasms I can have sex quite a few times over the weekend, but where is the fun in that? I want to have a healthier sex drive. I am a 24-year-old female of average height and weight. Do you have any natural ways to bolster my sexual appetite?

Answer

In most relationships, there's a difference in sex drive. This may be an inborn and permanent difference, or it may be caused by other variables like a stressful job, responsibility for taking care of an elderly family member, going to graduate school, poor health, etc. One of the difficult parts of keeping a relationship going is figuring out how to adapt or compromise when, as you point out, it isn't very much fun to give in to having sex if you aren't in the mood.

Is your boyfriend open to talking about his motivation for jumping your bones every half an hour? Does he really want to have sex that often, or is he afraid that he's leaving you unsatisfied and vulnerable to having sex with other men while he's away? If he's just trying to make sure that you get enough lovin' to tide you over until his return, you can reassure him of your fidelity and your happiness, and maybe he can calm down a little and stop acting like he took too much Viagra.

But you also want to let him know that you desire him and want to keep him satisfied as well. How many items are there on the menu of your lovemaking as a couple? If you can't enjoy prolonged and repeated bouts of intercourse, can you satisfy him with a blowjob? Would he enjoy being teased to climax with your lubricated hand or a vibrator? Is he able to relax and let you do him, without feeling that he must reciprocate? Push him onto his back and find out how much you can get away with.

You might be able to enhance your weekend horniness quotient by abstaining from masturbation during the week. On the other hand, you might need to masturbate more often, to prime the pump and keep yourself in a sexual mode. (It's also worth finding out if he can take some of the edge off by enjoying masturbation when he's away from you.)

If you enjoy porn, make sure you've got some around to keep your motor running when he's home. If you have a secret hunger to do something different, share some sexual fantasies with him. You might stay excited for a longer period of time if you're having the kind of sex that gratifies your deepest needs. In his urgency to get off, is he skipping the foreplay? You might need the same kind of buildup for the Number 6 fuck that you needed for the first encounter and fucks 2 through 5.

Check for other things that can impede sexual desire. Are you taking any medication for high blood pressure, diabetes, menopause, or a heart problem? Antidepressants and birth control pills can have sex-negative side effects. So can some chronic health problems or too much stress. You might want to consult with your doctor to see if this is happening, and if it is, if you can be given other medications that won't fizzle your sizzle. But don't quit taking a medication you need just because you think it might be hurting your sex life!!

Viagra and its many cousins has not been approved for use by women. But some physicians do prescribe it, and there is anecdotal evidence that it can enhance the sexual experience for women as well as men. Some women who are menopausal need a tiny dose of testosterone in addition to other hormones to keep their sexual interest piqued. Premonopausal women may still have low levels of testosterone. These supplements are kept at low levels so you don't have unwanted effects like facial hair or a deeper voice. Unfortunately, some doctors don't like to consider this as an option for their female patients. But any doctor should know that "male" and "female" hormones are found, albeit in different proportions, in both men and women.