Running Dry

Friday, October 31, 2008

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years. We have been sexually active for over two years. I find it hard to enjoy sex with him because I have trouble keeping myself lubricated. We've tried using two artificial lubrication methods only to find that they dry up quickly and cause irritation. I feel bad because I'm usually the one who initiates sex, and I tend to end it abruptly. I quickly get out of the mood since I can't seem to stay aroused or lubricated which causes a burning sensation. Most of the time I feel no satisfaction from vaginal sex alone, and I need direct clitoral stimulation. It makes me feel like there may be something wrong with me. I'm still attracted to my boyfriend and I don't feel like it has anything to do with him. What can I do to enjoy sex more and stay aroused and lubricated during intercourse with my boyfriend?

Answer

I've got a bunch of different suggestions. The first and simplest is to get a different kind of lubricant. Find a brand that contains silicone. These lubricants are very slippery and do not dry out. They are so slippery, in fact, that you want to be careful when you get up after sex and go take a shower. A few drops landing on the tile floor can be enough to create a hazard. These lubricants have another advantage of being less likely to cause vaginal irritation. Many water-based lubricants contain glycerin or fragrance, and these two things are likely to provoke sensitivity.

I also want to validate your need for clitoral stimulation. The majority of women find it much easier to orgasm during intercourse if they combine it with clitoral stimulation. So if you or your boyfriend are bothered by this, please just accept the fact that this is how female sexual response works. Women who have "vaginal orgasms" are usually getting enough clitoral stimulation from pelvic pressure to be able to climax. But depending on how you or your partner are built, this may or may not work. I personally think it's hot to see my partner touching him- or herself, so I hope you and your boyfriend can eroticize this and let it increase your arousal.

I also wonder if you are maybe rushing into intercourse without enough preparation. Sex can be more exciting if there is variety. Sometimes your boyfriend could go down on you until you come and then jerk off or let you stimulate him to orgasm without intercourse. He might like to simply receive oral sex sometimes. Women often need some manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris before they are ready to receive penetration. Lubrication is the first sign that the sexual response cycle has begun, but there are internal changes as well. Continued clitoral stimulation causes the uterus to move up and back, which creates more space for the penis. Teasing your partner is a great form of foreplay and results in better intercourse.

Some women get wet very quickly; others take longer. The amount and thickness of lubrication also varies. Women who don't get wet a lot sometimes berate themselves or feel that they must not be turned on, but your body could simply be reacting in a way that is normal for you. I hope the information above will help to keep your relationship hot and make it even better!