Scat Fantasy

Friday, October 07, 2016

Question

Dear Patrick: First, a bit about myself I guess. I'm a 29-year-old, white, heteroflexible
male. I am a university graduate in the sciences, and work in a professional role related to my studies. I live in Ottawa, but find myself a little bit more socially stagnant than most people in my position for a city of this size. I live on my own, don't know many people, and sometimes my life seems like a perpetual cycle of wake up, work, sleep, repeat.

I'm nervous writing about this even with the anonymous level of protection on
this site. But I'll go ahead anyway. Since I was 13 years old, I have had a pretty constant attraction to scat play. It most likely started as a random pubescent fantasy, and with my access to the internet I was able to seek out examples and forums of people discussing the subject. My attraction to this kink hasn't sunk me sexually in any way, nor has it evolved or declined. I've had many different levels of sexual relationships over the years (from vanilla to intermediate-level BDSM), but never has the topic of scat been broached. I am honestly quite nervous about discussing the topic, from a standpoint of shame rather than fear of loss.

But this is something I would like to discuss in the future with someone—not in a manner of expressing a desire to participate with them, more so just finally talking about it. Earlier I mentioned this hasn't sunk my sex life. I meant I'm not paralyzed by this fetish, and it is not controlling me in my sexual adventures. However, if I am looking to watch pornography and/or masturbate, images and thoughts revolving around scat, watersports, and other similar fixations around one's ass or genitals typically dominate those pastimes. Because of this, I would like to have the self-confidence to be able to talk to someone about it to protect my sanity, since I am so easily vocal and open about all other aspects of my life (sexual or otherwise).

It is not like me to keep a personal secret. Having entered a new relationship which seems to be very serious, I would like to be prepared to eventually share this last detail about myself under the right conditions.

As for what keeps me interested in the kink, I think I'm at a place where I feel that it is the last stop on the ladder of sexual experience or the ultimate precipice of being unconditionally close with a partner. There are domination aspects of it which I do find exciting on occasion, but the most enthralling aspect has to be the impression of closeness and passion that the mutual act between two people could experience.

Again, I'd just like to have some tools in order to unlock this last part of me with someone else. Not that I think they need to know at this point, but if the instance ever comes forth I'd rather be prepared to spill rather than lie. Thank you so much for your time.

Answer

Dear Dirt-e-fanta-see: Scat (sexual play with shit) is one of the most taboo forms of sexual expression. I think you may be having trouble talking about it for this reason alone. If you are able to negotiate BDSM play, you are clearly articulate enough to handle a pretty high level of risk in your self-disclosure to partners. But the fact is that knowing another person fantasizes about scat, even without actually doing it, can really upset some people. Of course, there are also people who would be quite happy to hear that you might be available for erotic adventures in this realm, but finding them is not easy.

If you are planning to be with one person for the rest of your life, it can feel pretty strange to have a big secret. Right now, the sex you are having is probably pretty hot. But as time goes by, you may feel short-changed if you don’t get to try this activity that you think about every time you masturbate. This isn’t a passing fancy. You are really curious about it even if it isn’t your only turn-on.

I am going to suggest that your first conversation about scat should not be with a lover. There is too much at stake there. If you get a negative reaction, you could put this fetish away and decide to avoid it forever. I question whether that’s a healthy reaction. Instead, look through your circle of acquaintances and see if you can locate somebody who seems accepting, nonconforming, and intelligent. Ask that person if you can have a conversation with them about an aspect of your life that is troubling you. Tell them that you need the discussion to be confidential. If they are available, see if you can manage to disclose what you’ve said in this e-mail to them. In fact, you could just hand them your letter. Then see how they feel about it and ask if they have any questions.

If this sounds too difficult, you have another option, which is to locate a kink-aware therapist or counselor (either in your area or via the Internet), and have a discussion with him or her about the role scat fantasies have played in your life. This is confidential, you should not be judged, and you will gain a lot of insight into what it feels like to share a big secret with another human being—without any penalties. A rehearsal like this can be a very revealing experience that is a great help when “coming out” to others who don’t have therapeutic skills or training.

What a partner probably needs to know is whether you want to do this with them or not, and what exactly “it” is. There are so many forms of scat play. A partner who is not willing to do certain things (like put shit in their mouth) may be willing to do other things (like allow a partner to give them an enema or simply watch them relieve themselves). For other people, none of this is possible; it’s all too shocking because of cultural taboos on the ass and on human waste. Health issues are frequently brought up as a reason for these taboos, and it is true that everyone involved has to be responsible for being healthy or bowing out until they are well. It’s possible to get exposed to hepatitis and a few other diseases during scat play, but only if your partner has them.

I hope you are able to find someone who will listen and accept what you have to say. You sound like a kind and intelligent person who has a lot to offer a partner. Your fetish may very well be “the last taboo,” which is why many people who enjoy it do so in secret, and keep these activities hidden from their spouses, friends, and family. You are looking for a healthier way to live, and I hope you can make it happen. It is a big risk to take, which is why I suggest you ask anyone you talk about this with to respect your confidentiality and refrain from gossip about you. We all need to be more conscientious about protecting our friends’ sexual privacy.  

1 Comment

jesssimn posted on November 20, 2018

great

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