Sexy Senior

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Question

Do you have any advice for us older guys? I've been married for 36 years, and my wife has no complaints, but she's always been sweet that way. I was hoping that my retirement next year would leave a lot more time for sensuous enjoyment of one another, but perhaps my fantasies will outstrip my ability to perform. I already know about the little blue pill, but would like to save that for a last resort. We're open-minded (in fact, I think our kids would be shocked if they knew how much we've enjoyed a variety of sexual practices with each other). Give me some pointers; I don't want to be stuck just playing golf all the time and pretending I'm happy.

Answer

I'm going to give you some advice that will probably sound rather strange. If you want a better sex life when you retire, you should leave your wife alone and jack off.

Let me explain.

Your wife has spent a lot of her time away from you for several decades. She is used to you going to work and having time for her own work, hobbies, and household activities. Retired men tend to get very bored, so they decide to "help" their wives out by rearranging the house, telling her how to do domestic chores, accompanying her to do the shopping (while trying to control how it happens), etc. You need to come up with some fascinating activities of your own that will allow your wife some autonomy and privacy despite the fact that you are no longer spending 40+ hours a week at your job.

This is not to say that you can't spend more time together. Of course you can! But beware of a tendency to get in her business, take over her work, and tell her how to do things. There's a big difference between trying to improve her efficiency, for example, and actually taking on a task she doesn't like that will make her life easier.

Masturbation is very important for maintaining male sexual functioning later in life. Ejaculation is good for your prostate and keeps your hormone levels up. You don't want to waste all of that good stuff on your own fist, but I do advise a daily orgasm, either with a partner or solo, to strengthen the pelvic muscles and keep your genitalia in the best working condition possible.

I've got nothing against prescription medications for erectile dysfunction, unless there's some medical reason you shouldn't take these drugs. But I do want to put in a good word for using your other sex organs — your hands and your mouth. Take a massage class together. Whole-body pleasuring is a wonderful form of foreplay for intercourse, or it can be a peak experience in and of itself. Instead of obsessing about when that pesky erection is going to show up, allow yourself to revel in touching your wife or licking her. Many older men need direct stimulation in order to get an erection. This can be upsetting if you're used to getting hard any time you see a lovely pair of breasts or think a dirty thought. But it's really normal to need a more hands-on approach to your own pleasure. And it gives your wife a chance to enjoy all of the visual delight, smells, tastes, and sounds of your own body becoming aroused. A soft penis can experience a hell of a lot of pleasure, and so can the rest of your body.

A vibrator is a great toy for giving women continuous and predictable clitoral stimulation. Some women have their first orgasms with a vibrator. But it's also an older guy's best friend. A sex toy like the Hitachi Magic Wand can be used between you and your wife's pelvic bones to tickle her clit and give the shaft of your cock a lovely sensation that can help you to maintain your erection.

Your wife should ask her doctor to check her hormone levels. Some ageing women need a little bit of testosterone to keep their libidos at a normal level, and estrogen creams or suppositories are sometimes necessary to keep the vaginal walls moist. Look for a water-based lubricant that can supplement her natural wetness. And don't forget that compliments, flowers, and other forms of personal attention are every bit as erotic for many women as an X-rated video.

As long as the two of you want one another, you can come up with ways to tease and please each other. Don't be ashamed to purchase a dildo or any other toy that you think looks interesting; don't be afraid to read some pornography or view it together. Oral sex, a hand job, or mutual masturbation are not inferior forms of sex. They don't have to be treated as appetizers or desserts. They can often be a main course all on their own.