Shopping with Angst

Friday, March 24, 2006

Question

I am planning to buy my wife a dildo or vibrator but I'm not sure which one she would like better. Also, I'm afraid she will like it better than me. Should I buy one just a bit smaller than I am or are they pretty well all the same size? I am seven inches and medium girth. Any advice is appreciated.

Answer

It's hard to buy a sex toy for somebody else, isn't it? But many women still feel reluctant to enter a sex shop, even if it's a woman-owned enterprise like Venus Envy, so their husbands or boyfriends wind up making the trip, wondering what to bring home. (There are also a lot of guys who buy a sex toy even if their female partner hasn't mentioned a desire for one, just because they'd like to do something different and give her some extra thrills and chills.) I'm not sure what your situation is, so I'll ask you some open-ended questions that might guide you to the optimum choice.

The first question you should ask yourself is, what is this sex toy going to be used for? If your wife likes penetration a lot, and your dick is getting sore, a dildo might be your best friend. Dildos are also fun if you want to watch her pleasure herself, masturbating while fantasizing about a real, flesh-and-blood cock—which you can of course supply by jumping out from behind the bedroom curtains. I've recommended very small dildos for women who can't tolerate penetration at all, and larger ones for women who need to expand their capacity, perhaps for a boyfriend who is unusually well-hung.

So if your goal is penetration pleasure, look for the dildos. I'd recommend something softer rather than harder, like the cyberskin dicks. Another good material is silicone. Silicone is superior to latex because you can boil these toys to disinfect them. Some phalluses are actually made of polyvinyl chloride, a known toxic chemical.

Be sure to get some water-based lube to go along with your buddy, since the dildo won't be making its own deliciously slick precum. (However, don't use a lubricant containing silicone with a silicone toy; this can damage the toy.) Putting a condom on the little rascal will make it easier to keep it clean. Wash it between uses, and don't put it in her vagina if it's been in her ass. Bacteria from the rectum can cause vaginal infections.

Yes, it's okay to buy her a dildo that is about your size or smaller. I usually encourage first-time buyers to get a toy they can use a lot rather than a big one that will be a challenge or a special-occasion treat. You'll see a lot of different sizes on offer. If you don't see what you like, leave the store and find another emporium—or buy on-line.

If you want to get a toy because she is having trouble having an orgasm during intercourse, I daresay most women would rather have a vibrator than a dildo. A vibrator is designed to stimulate the clitoris (although there are many which are shaped for penetration as well). With a vibrator, I recommend something small that is not intimidating. The plug-in vibrators used to be stronger than the battery-operated variety, but that's no longer automatically true. And I think that a vibrator with a long, slim shape might fit between your body and her body more easily than a Prelude or a Hitachi Magic Wand.

The battery-operated guys are also cheaper. Why blow a lot of cash on a sex toy if she might not like how it feels? If she likes a smaller vibe but wants stronger sensations, you can go back to the shop to get something with more power. If you find that she doesn't like the way a toy feels, or objects to it because she feels it's artificial, maybe she could benefit from a gentle finger on her clit during orgasm, or a quick, soft tongue before or after intercourse. The clit is connected to the vagina, my lad, and when you make the former happy, the latter is more likely to be your friend.

Don't assume a vibrator is just a toy for girls until you've run one up and down your dick. They also feel good pressed into your perineum, that area between your balls and asshole, or between the balls themselves. Some guys find that they like using a vibrator during masturbation or partnered sex. If she's using a vibrator on her clit while your cock is inside her, you may be able to feel additional sensations that will make your orgasm stronger.

I hope this helps. Please don't hesitate to ask questions; the staff of an adult sex shop want you to be happy with your purchase. There should be samples of the toys out of the packages so you can see how they feel when you turn them on. If you think the shop is dingy or the clerks are rude, go someplace else; nobody needs an extra dose of shame when he's just trying to be a good lover!

Hope your new toy, whichever it is, will make both of you hot. Happy panting!