Take the Money and Hum

Friday, February 12, 2010

Question

I'm looking for an arena to voice my opinion about the We-Vibe that I ran across on your site. I sprang for the vibrator, paying a hefty price for the promised simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation, couples play and mind-blowing orgasm.

I was very disappointed in the toy. It was a distraction during good old-fashioned copulation. The toy kept moving around inside me, shifting to the side and coming out when the penis was withdrawn during the "in and out." It was impossible to keep the clitoral pad on the clitoris. Not only did I not achieve orgasm, but the appliance was very frustrating.

I tried to use it for single play, but it's not very powerful and, again, impossible to keep in the position necessary to achieve clitoral orgasm.

It didn't do a thing for me except annoy me. I immediately contacted the manufacturer as well as the retailer and was told, of course, that all sales were final. If you know anyone who wants one really cheap, give them my email.

CM

Answer

Your first mistake, CM, is that you were copulating with the We-Vibe, when it clearly states in all the promotional material that the toy is to be worn while making love.

Trust me, if I started a consignment business selling the not-so-gently used sex toys of disgruntled consumers, more than a few items touted as the next big thing would be gathering dust on my shelves. Unfortunately, it's the risk we take as consumers in an industry that can, without serious repercussion, make claims about gilding some apparently universal lily when the simple fact is that everyone's lily is different. For some people this toy is a wonder; for others a shattering disappointment.

It's frustrating that you need to take so much responsibility when plunking down your hard-earned bucks, but sex toy manufacturers aren't alone in promising their products will take you on a trip to the moon and back. They're constantly trying to reinvent the wheel, sometimes by creating products that serve various functions at once. As you might know from multi-tasking, this often just leaves everything attended to in a somewhat negligent fashion.

One of my favourite quotes about the reality of sex toys versus how they're marketed comes from The Good Vibrations Guide To Sex ($34.95, Cleis), by Cathy Winks: "Even if Ben Wa Balls were really decent sex toys," Winks writes, "they'd have a hard time living up to their hype."

It's kind of like the "But Wait!" enticement presented in infomercials. You get caught up in the idea of something that slices those pesky eggs, and then you get it and realize it's just taking up counter space you could use to slice those eggs yourself.

On some sex shop websites (comeasyouare.com, goodforher.com and venusenvy.ca, for example) you can post an uncensored rating of your experience with a toy. I suggest you post your comments where you can, and purchase sex toys in person with a clearer understanding of what you like and need.

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