The writing is on his wall

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Question

I met a guy a few months ago on Facebook. He asked me out at an event and we went out many times and started to like each other. The problem is he is on Facebook 24/7. Lots of his friends on there are female. They post rambling conversations on his wall and he makes flattering comments on their personal photos. After several questionable incidents, I finally lost it when a female kept posting excessive personal information on his wall. He admitted he has a Facebook addiction and said he would try to cut back, but then he went and deleted me as a friend. Then he writes me and says he still likes me and wants to continue seeing me.

This guy is sending major mixed messages. Even when I hang out at his house, he is still frequently preoccupied with sending messages to his friends online. I like this guy a lot but there's obviously a problem here. Any suggestions would be great.

Freakout on Facebook

Answer

It doesn't sound like he's made any promises to be your ever-loving BF but, still, if he is seeing you and other ladies, then yeah, he's a tacky dick for canoodling (yes, I just used that odious term but it's totally appropriate given the odious circumstances) with other ladies when you're over at his house. I will admit unfriending you is an uncharacteristic move for a tacky dick (like, doesn't he want to continue building your insecurity through his inexhaustible harem of eager women?) but other than that, I don't see any mixed messages. What he's saying is crystal clear: "I need a lot of attention from women and I need everyone to know I get a lot of attention from women. You should run screaming from me like my eyeballs are made of dead frogs."

Do not take his actions as a challenge, Freakout, a testament to how desirable he is and how lucky you'd be to land him. Trust me, there is nothing in there worth unearthing—not at the moment, anyway. And consider yourself lucky Facebook exists, as it provides an irresistible forum for boys like this to expose themselves. Back in my day you had to rely on nascent instincts, a few frosty scenes with hair-flicking girls in bars and chlamydia to know you were dating a narcissistic cad. I would just dump him, or at least wise up to what he is.