Through with Virginity

Friday, September 12, 2008

Question

I recently had sex for the first time. We used plenty of lubricant. However, when he entered me, it was quite painful at the base of my vagina. Once he was inside me I was fine, but moving in and out also caused a little pain in this area. When we were finished, I realized I had a small amount of bleeding. There was a tiny tear or split on the skin at the opening of my vagina on the right side. Was this because it was my first time and my vagina wasn't "stretched" enough? How long should I wait before having sex again?

Answer

Many women will identify with your account of your first experience with intercourse. It's common to have some discomfort and even some bleeding at first. Some women have a membrane called a hymen that partially blocks the entrance of the vagina. Your boyfriend may have torn this membrane when he entered you. This is an unfortunate fact of biology that I hope doesn't keep you from continuing to explore your sexuality. When you can't see that tiny tear any more, it's safe to continue to have sex.

Generally speaking, if someone bleeds after penetration, just use common sense. You were able to see that this was a small problem. With more bleeding, it's a good idea to apply an ice pack wrapped in a dish towel. If bleeding doesn't stop after five minutes of direct pressure and cold, seek medical help. This is, however, an extremely rare occurrence unless people are trying to insert things that are bigger and less flexible than your boyfriend's cock.

A much, much more common problem with intercourse is to focus exclusively on penetration and ignore the woman's clitoris. Your clit (which is found at the top of the cleft of your vulva or external genitalia) is the most sensitive part of your sex organs. Most women need to have clitoral stimulation in order to lubricate and open up enough to enjoy vaginal fullness. For most, clitoral stimulation needs to continue if they are going to be able to have an orgasm. A lot of younger couples don't know that, and the woman winds up feeling bad if she stops lubricating or can't come.

Most young guys just want to know what it feels like to have their cock inside of somebody. Nobody's told them about the realities of female anatomy. So if a lover or girlfriend can't come just because he's penetrating her, he feels there must be something wrong—with her! I wish that sex education would include images of couples who share clitoral stimulation. It's in fact very hot to touch your lover's clit while you are penetrating her, because it increases her pleasure and makes her tighter and more responsive. Light pressure will usually do the trick—you don't have to hammer the clitoris into submission! I really enjoy watching my partners masturbate while we are having intercourse, and I hope your boyfriend will feel the same way.

You're free to write if you have other questions. There's no limit of "one per customer" with this column. Have fun!

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