The Turds and the Bees

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I read Wishing For Clean Sheets’ letter with astonishment.

Is that girl so terrified of expressing any kind of disapproval of others’ behaviour that she thinks it’s okay to tolerate someone shitting all over her bed unannounced and without an apology? Is she scared of being “judgmental” or something?

My ex GF could puke and shit all over the place and all over me if she wanted – and she did a few times. But even she was (too) quick to apologize if it looked like it wasn’t the right thing to do at the right time. If my landlord or janitor (male or female) did that at my place, there’d be hell to pay. If my regular friends, male or female, did that, they probably wouldn’t be my friends for much longer!

Seriously, some people go way too far when it comes to being careful about not hurting anyone’s feelings.

PS: I wrote to you a few years ago, wondering if I would ever be able to live out my scatologically hyper-focused- fantasies. You said I’d probably have to pay for it. Lucky for me, I had a wonderful time with a wonderful girl who thought it quite appropriate to unload her bowels upon yours truly from time to time. It was lots of fun and even romantic.


I am overjoyed to read this, Brown Kisser. Not your flabbergastation on behalf of Sheets, I mean, but that you found someone to lay a butt kebob on you for fun and romance. I’m often at a loss when it comes to this most maligned of fetishes; it’s easy to resort to teasing and backhanded comments just to squeeze out my word count. As Sam Halpern (the dad behind Shit My Dad Says) says, “Look, we’re basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job’s to help people shit or fuck, it’s not that important, so relax.”

Your story gives hope to all coprophiliacs struggling to find an eager and cost-effective partner.

Hell to pay” seems like a strong reaction to what appears to have been an unexpected bout of diarrhea, though I understand that as a scat fan you are invested in contextualizing how and when it is appropriate to shit on someone.

It is fairly common for people involved in vilified sex play to create very specific etiquette (safe words, dynamic costuming, roles) around their desires. There are many reasons to do this, but one outcome is that it gives these desires a quality of soundness and authenticity that they are often denied.

I don’t think Sheets was afraid to be perceived as judgmental of a sneaky and inconsiderate scat fan. I think she found herself in an awkward situation that involved a very uncontrolled bowel movement. I don’t think her landlord intended to crap on her bedding and floor, and I don’t think she was worried about being perceived as judgmental for pointing this out.

Frankly, I don’t know what was going through her head and what the final outcome was, because I haven’t heard back from her. For now, I’m really glad you seem to be doing well.

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