Vocal Vagina

Friday, November 26, 2010

Question

Sometimes when I am having sex, air gets into my vagina. It is so embarrassing because it sounds like a fart when it comes out. Is there any way to prevent this? What should I say when I am in a situation (especially with a new partner) and it happens? I usually don't get any warning, it comes out of nowhere like a police siren and shatters the mood. Help me!

Answer

I don't know of any device or exercise that would help to prevent air from getting into your vagina. But if you have a partner that you trust enough to do some experimenting, try a bunch of different sexual position, and see if there are any that minimize the problem. For example, some women report that being on top during intercourse minimizes the Balloon Effect. The size of your partner's equipment may also have some effect here. Experiment with different sized dildos to see if this is true. Of course, finding out that a thick cock is a better seal than a slim one doesn't help much because one rarely knows the configuration of a man's equipment before he takes his clothes off, and most women do not fall in love with a guy because he has a perfect cock. (Or so I have been told ...)

Some women resort to plastic surgery to tighten the vaginal opening. But I am concerned about surgery in this delicate part of the human body. Is the risk of infection or loss of sensation really worth it? The doctors who perform these procedures claim a high success rate, but if there are women who are not happy with their surgery, where and how would they speak out?

I'm sorry to hear that this problem leaves you feeling distracted, frustrated, and embarrassed. It's always upsetting when an important, tender moment is disrupted by some unexpected, loud background noise. But I would like to offer a different, perhaps more vulgar, but fun-spirited approach.

This will sound weird to you, but I actually enjoy the "air in the vagina" phenomenon. As a Caribbean feminist once told me, "Good punani speak for itself." I love it when a woman squeezes my cock or my hand. It feels like her cunt is talking to me. The air can be a metaphor for completely opening up, for being hungry and full of desire. So I can gently tease the woman I am fucking about how much they obviously want to be full, and how much it will take to really fill them up. We can combine a sense of humor with some flirtatious embarrassment to make it into a hot scene. If I am using my hands instead of a prosthetic, I can control when the air leaves by simply inserting a finger into the vaginal opening and stretching it a bit. I think it can be fun for both partners to acknowledge what is happening and give it a sexier meaning. Instead of being interrupted by an unwanted event, you are being notified that an important sexual event is taking place.

Of course, we know that getting air into your vagina doesn't really mean you are insatiable, but I think most women would rather get into a fantasy of being extra-horny instead of feeling socially unacceptable. It's sort of like precome: genital discourse on the signing of erotic gender performance in the postindustrial West.

If your partner is upset by this phenomenon, remind him that the air gets into your vagina because you let him put his penis into you. Until the penis separates the vaginal walls, there is no room in there for air. Every time the penis is completely removed and then re-inserted, more air can enter. With growing excitement, the opening of the vagina, the first one-third of the vaginal barrel, and the labia become quite rigid. They no longer mold themselves to the penile shaft to create a seal. The upper one-third of the vagina balloons out, so it can contain a reservoir of air, and it is also rather rigid, so that penile thrusting can expel the air. So this isn't something weird that you are doing to freak him out; it's a 50/50 problem. If he wants to thrust more slowly, change positions less often, or fuck more shallowly, then the air won't be expelled so loudly. But if he wants to fuck without worrying about holding back, he's gotta learn to deal.

Just tell him that your pussy has a lot to say, and if he listens, the sex will be terrific.

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