What's Your Bag?

Friday, June 04, 2010


I have an unusually baggy scrotum. It looks okay to me in the front, but one of my ex-girlfriends pointed out that from behind "it looks like the saggy, dried-up milk sac of an old cow on her last legs." Since then I've been very embarrassed to walk around naked and especially to bend over in front of a girl.

This is really difficult because now I can't do a lot of the things I like to do with girls. I don't think I need to go into details here; you know what I'm talking about.

How did this happen? All of my male friends have really nice, tight scrotums. I remember tugging on my testicles a lot when I was a young boy. Did I stretch out my skin? More importantly, is there plastic surgery for men with my problem? I know it will be painful, but so is the humiliation I face every time I am naked with a woman.



I hate to tell you this, George, because it may call forth a jarring and unwelcome visual, but we inherit the look and size of our genitals from our parents. And like breasts, your scrotum is subject to the irresistible pull of gravity, meaning it will become even more pendulous as you age.

Personally, though, persistent discomfort is the only reason I can see for getting a scrotum reduction (also known as a scrotal lift, and here are some examples), because the advantages of a long scrotum and dangling nuts, in my opinion, outweigh the negative. Sure, visually the whole package has the comical, prehistoric quality of a gallinaceous bird's head, but do you hear the ladies complaining when your flowing sack is smacking their clit during doggy style? Likely not.

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