Friday, October 23, 2009


I've always been proud of my ability to have more than one orgasm. When I masturbate, I like to have enough time so that I can count the climaxes and see how high I can go. But I wish I'd never told my boyfriend about this. It freaked him out. He now says that he can only have one orgasm at a time, so one orgasm should be enough for me. He doesn't understand that the first orgasm is often only an appetizer for me, and I need more stimulation so that I can reach complete satisfaction, usually by the third or fourth climax. He refuses to keep on touching me once we are done with intercourse. He also gets very upset if I touch my own clitoris while we are fucking. I don't enjoy being interrogated after sex to see if I am learning my lesson to not expect too much out of him. I've started hiding my first orgasm so I can try to get off enough to feel satisfied. I've never had a lover who went off the rails about this. Is it more common than I thought? Are men just not equipped to hear the truth about women's sexuality? I want to leave him, but what's the point if I'll just wind up in a similar situation with the next guy?


Your boyfriend is being controlling and selfish. He's being so crazy, in fact, that I'm a little concerned about your safety if you try to leave him. Get yourself out of this relationship with as little wear and tear as possible. He's beyond educating or doing couples counseling.

One of the ironies of evolution is that male and female sexuality seem to have developed in very different ways. Men get off relatively easily. This guarantees delivery of their semen, which maximizes their chances for offspring. But women come, generally speaking, after longer stimulation, and they can come more than once. This means that if they are allowed to do so, they can seek out multiple encounters, which maximizes their chances for reproduction.

But sex is for more than making babies. It's also about bonding and giving each other pleasure. A good lover has a generous heart. He or she is curious about how each new lover's body works, and wants to hear about that person's fantasies and needs. There's a sense of flexibility too, and the knowledge that no two people are going to be the same.

Expecting a woman to come without touching her clit is like expecting a guy to come without getting his dick stimulated. These two organs are analogous and equivalent. Women have more than one erogenous zone. Some can come from vaginal penetration alone, but most like a combination.

If you really like women, don't you want to see your own lover spread out, getting excited, and don't you want to tease her and see how far you can take her? What's the point in just sticking it in, pumping until you shoot, and then falling asleep? A quickie is good once in a while, but there are fewer and fewer women who will put up with that kind of selfishness. If you want her to go down on you, you'd better be prepared to lick her pussy. And—more than that—love doing it!

Men who "go with the flow" of a woman's sexual pattern often find that their own responses change. There is a "refractory period" after an ejaculation when you won't be able to get an erection or have an orgasm. But why waste that time in sodden hibernation? Spend it paying attention to her, and you may find that you get to have more than one orgasm a night yourself. And that can't be a bad thing.

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend is so crazy. But he can't stand up against millions of years of human evolution. Nature created you the way that you are for a good reason. There are men who will appreciate you instead of condemning or censoring you, and I hope you find one soon.

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