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A Generous Spanking

2 December 2016

Question: 

Dear Patrick:  My 25-year-old partner has requested a spanking. I was never spanked as a child (the idea is repugnant to me), so I have no idea how to go about spanking an adult. I am not unwilling, just unsure of how to proceed. She says I make her feel very naughty when she wants sex, and getting a little spanking would help her to get in the mood more often. I am all about having more sexy time together!

-Generous Lover

Answer: 

Dear Generous Lover: The whole topic of disciplining children has little or nothing to do with the love of spanking as practiced by two consenting adults. You can just put that whole image right out of your head. Since the idea of smacking a little kid’s bottom makes you kind of ill, we don’t want you to obsess about that instead of your sweetie’s gorgeous posterior turning just a little more red beneath your generous hands.

Spanking is very safe. It’s a simple matter of caressing and warming the buttocks, then giving them a light smack. You can adjust the strength of your smacks until you reach a level where your beloved says, “Oh my! That’s what I’m talking about.”

It’s a good idea to keep your activity equal on both sides. You don’t want to hit the same spot over and over again. The more padded the area is, the safer it is to give it vigorous attention, as long as she enjoys that level of impact. Don’t slap the tail bone or any higher portion of the spinal column. Thighs are fair game, however. So is doing a “clit check” to see if your “victim” is aroused.

There are several different variations that you can try if you want to experiment and see if you can make this game even hotter for the two of you. A spanking changes psychologically quite a bit if you take the person over your knee instead of having them on their stomach on the bed. They can also feel your body against their stomach, and if you are aroused, they are bound to notice. You can also wrap your arm around them for increased control, or just to enjoy the kicks and struggles. Cupping your hand will make the smacks louder, and also make them sting more. Wet skin is more sensitive than dry skin. Applying a little hand lotion or lube will radically alter how this all feels.

If you find that your hand is getting sore or tired, you may want to look around the room for a helper. Impromptu paddles can be made out of hairbrushes, ping pong paddles, or wooden spoons, for example. Be forewarned, though—some people who like the feel of a hand on their butt will not like anything else.

If your partner is the straightforward type, you can simply ask her to tell you what feels good and what is too much or ticklish or otherwise not on target. If she tends to get dreamy during sex and lose her words, you may want to ask her to smack the bed if she needs things to lighten up. Or give her a safe word that she isn’t likely to use by accident.

Most people enjoy a little variation to their spanking. Caresses, hot breath, or fondling with a fur mitt or an ostrich feather can be nice to help someone catch their breath and prepare to go on to a deeper level of bliss.

After you have tried spanking on its own, you might want to combine it with other stimulation. Some people who enjoy having their posteriors warmed up also like to wear a sex toy in one hole or the other while it’s happening. The use of a vibrator to tease your subject and get her very turned on is also recommended, if she likes those devices. You can also play games with orgasm control, telling her she is not allowed to come while you are spanking her, no matter how much you finger and tease her.

If the purpose of the game is to make her feel more horny, it can’t hurt to try a little mild chastisement to see if she likes that as well. “I understand you are a very naughty girl. You can’t seem to keep your panties up. I’ll bet you’d like me to slide yours down right now and just give it to you until you squeal. Are you the kind of bad, bad girl who needs it all the time? Are you always thinking about __________ (Fill in the blank with her favorite sex technique) and waiting until you have enough time alone to touch yourself until you come? Maybe I should make you touch yourself right now.”

I think you can see the possibilities here. I hope you both have a splendid evening of domestic discipline.

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