Power play can consist of bondage, erotic embarrassment, tickling, slapping, flogging, pinching and hundreds of other ways of playing with sensation and power.
Here are some of the most commonly asked BDSM questions with answers. We hope this gets you started on your way to kinky exploration!
Why?
There are probably as many answers to this question as there are people who ask it. For some people, it’s the ability to take on a role they normally wouldnt experience- naughty little child, stern teacher, controlling top, vulnerable bottom. For others, it’s the build up of sensation, sometimes to levels at, near or just beyond their pain threshold. The best answer is probably a simple because it feels good.
What?
Here are some basic words that get tossed around in discussion of BDSM:
BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
Power play: Consensual exchange of power for the purposes of pleasure. This is a synonym for BDSM, as is SM, kink, leather, and sensation play, to name a few.
Top: The do-er of the scene. the person in charge of the situation. Responsible for the dynamic of the scene within set parameters. Also responsible for the overall health and safety of the bottom.
Bottom: The receiver in the scene. The person who gets things done to them. Scene: Prescribed situation- it may be a time limit, a set of activities, a space, or a ritual to create headspace. The narrative that the bottom and top play out with each other.
Play: Term used for BDSM activity that emphasizes the out-of-daily-life aspect, and the fun and the sense of theatrics that is often involved with a scene.
Safeword: a non-sexual word or phrase used to slow down or stop a scene, ie. red for stop and yellow for slow down, green for go ahead.
Kink: We consider this to be self-defined. If it feels kinky, it is kinky
How?
Before playing with BDSM it is important to explore your desires and know what turns you on. Knowing what you want will help you set healthy boundaries and will make it easier to communicate your limits and interests to partners.
There are many books available on every aspect of BDSM, including safety concerns, communication skills, recovery issues and ideas for play. Doing research will increase your knowledge and confidence and, hopefully, your pleasure. Power play can take on many forms. We’ve listed a few of them below.
Sensation Play: Sensation play is the first thing that comes to mind for many people when they hear the term BDSM. Sensation play is often thought of as giving and receiving pain, but in reality it can be any activity that emphasizes what the body feels and how we process those feelings, and can include activities that range from tickling with feathers to heavy floggings.
Paddles are often popular toys for beginners to percussive play, since they're relatively easy to use and aim. If you're just starting out, it's safest to stick to fleshly areas like the butt and thighs.
Bondage: Physically restricting a person's movements by using cuffs, rope, tethers, cock rings, or other devices. Pychological bondage could include a top restricting the bottom's movements without the use of physical restraint. Bondage could also include the confining of senses with ear plugs, blindfolds or gags. Care must be taken not to restrict blood flow to the point of numbness - check our book selection for further resources on safety.
Cuffs are nice for those just starting out with physical bondage. They require very little skill, and are easy to take off quickly in the event that something is unplanned. Cuffs with velcro are especially easy to get out of in a pinch.
Role Play: In role play, the people involved take on specific roles, which they then act out. Common fantasies include schoolroom scenes, royal courts (and courtesans!), nursemaid and baby time. Sometimes sensation play is an integral part of this, but not always.
Service: Service is a particular type of role play that does not always include much physical contact. Service can be a butler/maid and master/mistress pairing or an acolyte worshipping at the feet of his goddess, or a roadie catering to every whim of his rock star employer.
If you're not sure where to start, consider a kit! They offer a good basic selection of stuff to get you started without breaking the bank, or buying more than you need to try a few kinks out.
» for much more information about BDSM, see our Sex Ed article "Safer BDSM: An Introduction"