Getting in the Mood During Quarantine
Is quarantine crotch-blocking you? Making it harder to get in the mood? Feeling sexually uninspired? For many of us, the pandemic has affected our interest in sex, relationships and partners. Your desire might have spiked or dropped, or maybe you’re experiencing ebbs and flows of interest in sex during quarantine. Stress impacts our connection to our erotic selves both emotionally and physically.
If you’re partnered, the change in routine and the isolation from quarantine, might mean that you’re experiencing boredom or finding it hard to switch to a sexy mood because you’re in the same space and place indefinitely. Whether you’re looking to get in the mood for masturbation or in the mood for sex with your partner, here are some ideas to change things up in the bedroom during quarantine:
1.Change the vibe with rituals.
For many couples who live together, quarantine during COVID-19 has meant being the same place, at the same time, almost all of the time. This might make it tough to shift from work time to sexy time.
Try switching up the mood of your interactions at home with rituals like:
- Make a sexy playlist. Choose songs together that get you in the mood and put on the playlist (or set it to play a certain time) to cue the shift of mood. Music can help bring you into your body, inspire a different mood and make you feel more playful.
- Get groomed for dinner. Give yourself and your partner permission to get cute for no reason other than delighting each other. Changing your clothes can help create a separation between parts of the day. Dress up for dinner together.
- Mid-week dance party. You made it to hump-day, so why not celebrate? Put on music that makes you want to move or find a virtual dance event or dance class - and get your bodies moving for fun. It can be tough to be sitting in front of screens all day. Dancing can help get your blood going and wake up the parts of you that are stiff from the day.
- Take sexy breaks. Book time in each other’s calendars for cuddles, make outs, quickies, masturbation.
Approach rituals with the intention of creating more desire, but without the expectation of receiving more desire. Obligation doesn’t feel sexy and sometimes our mood just is what it is! Bringing curiosity into your relationship through planning and trying rituals can bring the benefit of more communication and creativity in your relationship.
2. Set the mood in the room.
You or your partner might find being in the same physical space for work and play to be erotically uninspiring. Changing the ambiance of the room through candles or dim lighting can help begin the relaxation process. You can explore using candles as communication, discuss what it means if one of you lights the candle in the room. For example, light a massage candle to let your partner know you’re in the mood to give or receive massages. Other ideas for turning up the sexiness in a room:
- Scents like incense, scented candles or relaxation room sprays
- Create a cuddle nest with soft blankets or throws and lots of pillows
- Lay out lingerie or sex toys as an invitation
- Remove all screens from the room or silence notifications
- Music or erotic audio to seduce your aural senses
If you have the option and privacy, experiment with starting sex in a room other than the bedroom. Can you make a shower sexy by adding candlelight?
3. Get playful with a sexy treasure hunt.
Sometimes you gotta get silly! Get playful with your partner and plan a sexy treasure hunt together. Hide things around the house like sex toys, lingerie, massage oil, condoms and even sexy notes (e.g. compliments, fantasies, truth or dare challenges, love dice).
Allow for the slow discovery of the treasures over a period of days or do a speed round of who can find the most treasures in a set amount of time. The conversation and planning gets you both in a playful mood about sexy things and creates some build up to the sexy treasure hunt.
4. Plan an online sex toy shopping date.
Grab some food, drinks and a notepad and get ready to do some sex toy shopping online. You can browse together and talk about what you like, don’t like and are curious about. Think about the features of a sex toy that intrigue you. Are you looking for something waterproof for shower sex? Are you attracted to certain colours or shape of sex toys? Are you looking for toys that are P-spot or G-spot focused?
You could turn up the fun on the date by selecting one thing you’d like your partner to use on you and your partner selecting one thing they want you to use on them. If you’re unfamilar with sex toys or are trying out new ones, give yourselves some time to warm up to the toy and sink into the sensations.
Exploring products from sex-positive and feminist sex shops also helps you talk about sexual health. As you browse through sex toys, other topics like lubricants or erectile dysfunction or painful sex might come up in your communication.
5. Have a non-sexual massage date.
Exchange massages to relax non-sexual hot spots like hands, feet or scalp. There are lots of nerve endings that can be stimulated in these areas through massage. Relaxing each other without the expectation of sex can sometimes lead to feeling more open, trusting and sink into the joy of giving pleasure to your partner in a sensual way.
You can simplify techniques by using a massage roller on larger areas like the back, thighs, calves and forearms. Learn some massage techniques to get you started. Make it an oily or silky massage by using massage oil or massage bars. Focus on caring for and adoring each body part you’re massaging.
6. Explore roleplay.
Exploring roleplay with your partner could allow you to step outside of your personalities and into characters. You might find it easier to access a sexy mood as a bunny, doctor or dragon!
Think about what accessories, attitudes and activities your character might find sexy. Share this fantasy with your partner and find a way to combine characters for a new way to get erotically creative.
7. Erotic story time.
Erotic stories help stimulate our erotic imaginations in ways that porn doesn’t. Get comfortable, set up a plush and snuggly bed or couch and grab some erotic books. Take turns reading the stories while cuddling. Try out your dirty talk by animating the stories you’re reading into the voices of the characters. It might feel awkward or silly at first - go with it! Sex doesn’t have to be so serious, embrace the playfulness.
8. Learn a new sex skill together.
Take an online sex or kink webinar and feed your erotic creativity. You might learn a new skill, have an interesting conversation, discover what you don’t like or be prompted to buy some new equipment. Whether you’re curious about dirty talk, spanking or rope bondage - lots of sex classes are being offered online during the pandemic.
Anytime you put effort into coming up with ways to delight your partner, you stimulate your erotic imagination and theirs. Whether these activities lead to sex or not, you can build on what you learn about each other in these moments to support each other. It’s also ok to communicate with your partner that you’re not in the mood and you’re ok with that! Honour your needs and show empathy for theirs.