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Happy Masturbation May!
'Tis the season. No we didn't just make that up - it's a real thing!
The celebration begun in 1995, in honour of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired by Bill Clinton for advocating for the inclusion of masturbation in sex-ed curriculums! 😱 To continue the conversation about sexual health and masturbation's many benefits, we wanted to take this opportunity to talk about self-pleasure. 🚀
Why masturbate?
Masturbation is something that is often swept under the rug, discouraged, and outright shamed in a lot of people's lives. Some people learn to masturbate very early, when exploring their own bodies as children. Others don't start masturbating until much later in life, if ever! There is no "right" or "normal" time to start masturbating, we're all on our own journeys.
If you do want to masturbate, it can be an excellent way to learn about your own personal wants and needs. It has lots of benefits, including but not limited to:
- Increasing exploration and pleasure
- Decreasing stress and helping you sleep
- Reducing pain associated with menstruation, headaches, etc.
- Increasing intimacy when done with a partner (mutual masturbation!)
Masturbation myths
MYTH: People in relationships don't masturbate
Not true! Regardless of relationship status, we all deserve to feel pleasure, and developing our sexual relationship with our selves enhances (instead of detracts from) our sexual relationships with other people. It's worth it to create time to pay attention to our bodies and make ourselves feel amazing.
MYTH: Using a vibrator decreases sensitivity
Not true! This belief is attached to the stigma associated with self-pleasure, and the idea that too much of a good thing will lead to negative outcomes. Our society has a really hard time grappling with pleasure for the sake of pleasure, especially for those with vulvas. People are often taught that vibrators will "ruin" partnered sex for them, because they will become dependent on the vibrator or desensitized.
Sometimes, people do experience numbing throughout the course of a session, but this can often be solved by adding lube, switching up vibration modes/patterns, or introducing some movement and variation! Sometimes our body also gets overstimulated by sensations, and numbness during a session may just mean we need a break, or time to recover. It doesn't last forever.
Another thing to note - sometimes, if you orgasm too much in one specific way or position (lying on your stomach, masturbating in the tub, cowgirl, etc.) it can build a pathway in your brain that makes it hard to orgasm other ways! If you only orgasm with a vibrator for a very long time, it may take some practice to orgasm other ways again. But this has nothing to do with the vibrator... it could happen with anything!
MYTH: Masturbation lowers your "libido"
Not true! Masturbation does not affect hormone levels or "sex drive" in the long run. Libido can be affected by many factors, including sleep, diet, anxiety, stress, and relationship health. If you're curious about the science of sex drives, we love how Emily Nagoski tackles this in her books Come As You Are & Come Together.
How do I masturbate?
Short answer: However you want!
Long answer: People masturbate in all kinds of ways. Some like to use their hands, others use sex toys, or even just items found around the house!
Manual stimulation ✋ is a great way to get started, and offers opportunity to learn and explore your own body.
Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes and have many advantages: power, vibration, size, texture, reach, etc. These can help give your hands a break, or allow for even more exploration and variation.
Some people even use household items, like pillows or blankets, to grind on. Detachable shower heads can make excellent sex toys - just make sure the water isn't too hot! Some people's first vibrator is an electric toothbrush. Certain fruits and vegetables can be used as dildos or strokers - it's a good idea to use condoms with these for safety, as they can carry bacteria and sometimes have sharp edges. And remember - anything inserted anally must have a flared base, so that it doesn't continue its merry way into the body and get lost.
Toys to give you a helping hand
Strokers are soft, textured sleeves or rings that add some sensation to masturbation and hand jobs. Some strokers have closed ends, which creates a lot of suction, and some have open ends and can be used solo or with a partner (hint hint: blow job accessory!).
Dildos are great for those who want some in and out friction, and depth. Dildos with a gentle curve follow the anatomical bend of the anal canal, and can offer P-spot and G-spot stimulation. If you're using a dildo anally, or would like to harness it, make sure to choose a dildo with a flared base!
Anal toys come in many shapes and sizes, for different sensations! What they have in common is a base that prevents them from traveling too far inside the body.
Butt plugs are great for folks who want a feeling of fullness and hands-free fun. Anal beads are great for those who like the feeling of the anal sphincters opening and closing. Dildos are nice for those who enjoy an in and out thrusting sensation.
Always remember (1) Use lots of lube, (2) Use something that has a flared base or is attached to someone and (3) Relax and go slow! Read our Anal Health & Pleasure pamphlet for more info.
Vibrators can be used on the clitoris, the nipples, the penis... any pleasurably sensitive part can enjoy vibration! Vibration helps to get the blood flowing and relax muscles, making it a very popular type of toy. Vibrators come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and options, so the sky’s the limit!
